Comments on: Dating After Divorce – Giving Up Control http://divorcedcatholicmoms.com/2008/10/giving-up-control/ Just another WordPress weblog Sun, 13 May 2012 15:13:50 +0000 hourly 1 http://wordpress.org/?v=3.3.2 By: Manya http://divorcedcatholicmoms.com/2008/10/giving-up-control/comment-page-1/#comment-2237 Manya Sat, 30 Oct 2010 16:12:49 +0000 http://mssservices.wordpress.com/?p=124#comment-2237 Don, You're absolutely right, of course, about lots of things being out of an individual's control due to the free will of others. Prayer isn't meant to be a means of controlling anything or anyone, although we silly humans try to use it that way. Personally, I think the prayer God wants to hear and the one that does us the most good is, "Help me: to be better...to understand...to be wise...to...whatever we personally need in order to make it on this journey through life." Why do you say you can't you get an annulment? Did you go through the process and your marriage was determined to be valid? Or are you assuming that it <em>would</em> be found to have been valid? And even if that is or would be the case, why does that result in your not "fitting in" as a Catholic? You are still Catholic and welcomed in the Catholic church. Take a look at the quote at the top of the right column on this page from Pope John Paul II. Divorce does happen to good people...and I don't believe the Catholic church penalizes them...that hasn't been my experience anyway. I know that many have had negative experiences with the Catholic church as a result of divorces but much of what I hear is due to misunderstanding, sometimes on the part of the specific person or priest with whom they spoke. That's disheartening but we're all human so mistakes happen. Seek out someone in the tribunal to speak with about divorce and annulment...they have the expertise in this area. Mostly, though, keep praying. And continue going to mass...televangelists are not a good substitute for that. God can be trusted...he asks for our trust in return. God bless, Manya Don,
You’re absolutely right, of course, about lots of things being out of an individual’s control due to the free will of others. Prayer isn’t meant to be a means of controlling anything or anyone, although we silly humans try to use it that way. Personally, I think the prayer God wants to hear and the one that does us the most good is, “Help me: to be better…to understand…to be wise…to…whatever we personally need in order to make it on this journey through life.”

Why do you say you can’t you get an annulment? Did you go through the process and your marriage was determined to be valid? Or are you assuming that it would be found to have been valid?

And even if that is or would be the case, why does that result in your not “fitting in” as a Catholic? You are still Catholic and welcomed in the Catholic church. Take a look at the quote at the top of the right column on this page from Pope John Paul II.

Divorce does happen to good people…and I don’t believe the Catholic church penalizes them…that hasn’t been my experience anyway. I know that many have had negative experiences with the Catholic church as a result of divorces but much of what I hear is due to misunderstanding, sometimes on the part of the specific person or priest with whom they spoke. That’s disheartening but we’re all human so mistakes happen. Seek out someone in the tribunal to speak with about divorce and annulment…they have the expertise in this area.

Mostly, though, keep praying. And continue going to mass…televangelists are not a good substitute for that. God can be trusted…he asks for our trust in return.

God bless,
Manya

]]> By: don quijote http://divorcedcatholicmoms.com/2008/10/giving-up-control/comment-page-1/#comment-2217 don quijote Tue, 26 Oct 2010 07:18:23 +0000 http://mssservices.wordpress.com/?p=124#comment-2217 Well, at least she got an annulment: I can't, so I won't fit in as a Catholic. I loved being Catholic. I don't think I will fit in a protestant church. So my Christianity is all washed up. I will just pray at home, and watch teleevangelists. I wanted to bring up my children as catholics, but my ex does not want to take the youngest one to cathechism. The oloder one has first communion. Good luck some things you cant controll despite prayer, and good works and that is the free will granted to other people: and that means that your wife can leave the house. Divorce happens to good people, and the Catholic church should not penalized them form it, not that I belive in allowing families to separate. But, let's be realistic. Well, at least she got an annulment: I can’t, so I won’t fit in as a Catholic. I loved being Catholic. I don’t think I will fit in a protestant church. So my Christianity is all washed up. I will just pray at home, and watch teleevangelists. I wanted to bring up my children as catholics, but my ex does not want to take the youngest one to cathechism. The oloder one has first communion. Good luck some things you cant controll despite prayer, and good works and that is the free will granted to other people: and that means that your wife can leave the house. Divorce happens to good people, and the Catholic church should not penalized them form it, not that I belive in allowing families to separate. But, let’s be realistic.

]]> By: Teresa http://divorcedcatholicmoms.com/2008/10/giving-up-control/comment-page-1/#comment-28 Teresa Thu, 26 Mar 2009 04:55:42 +0000 http://mssservices.wordpress.com/?p=124#comment-28 Dear Manya, Just found your blog and love it! I'm looking for vehicles to inspire courage and I've found one here. What does giving up control of my life to God look like to me? Even though that's an image which is still somewhat foggy to me personally; I think it grows clearer as it gains depth. I remember many little "conversions" along the way in my life as a Catholic, I'm closing in on 50 now. My spiritual journey reads like laundry list; Charismatic, Secular Franciscan, Catholic School teacher, Church Choir, my faith took on a whole new and real dimention when I got serious about a 12 step program for overeaters. Now I'm learning tools to connect my devotion to some life experience with virtue. For example I need to turn off the computer right now and go to sleep. God Bless, you & all readers are in my prayers, Teresa Dear Manya,
Just found your blog and love it! I’m looking for vehicles to inspire courage and I’ve found one here.
What does giving up control of my life to God look like to me?
Even though that’s an image which is still somewhat foggy to me personally; I think it grows clearer as it gains depth. I remember many little “conversions” along the way in my life as a Catholic, I’m closing in on 50 now. My spiritual journey reads like laundry list; Charismatic, Secular Franciscan, Catholic School teacher, Church Choir, my faith took on a whole new and real dimention when I got serious about a 12 step program for overeaters. Now I’m learning tools to connect my devotion to some life experience with virtue. For example I need to turn off the computer right now and go to sleep.
God Bless, you & all readers are in my prayers, Teresa

]]> By: Manya http://divorcedcatholicmoms.com/2008/10/giving-up-control/comment-page-1/#comment-27 Manya Sat, 25 Oct 2008 22:53:46 +0000 http://mssservices.wordpress.com/?p=124#comment-27 Kate, I'm so sorry for what you've been through and continue to experience. You're obviously a strong woman of faith. It's SO hard to stop dating someone you enjoy being with and with whom you can envision a real possibility of a future together. However, if there are things about the relationship that are not in line with your beliefs, then you're right to be honest with him about it - and honest with yourself, too. I do hope that your influence changes his mind and heart. If not, though, you're a very wise woman to recognize that this isn't the relationship for you and to take on the pain of walking away. I admire you for that and I'm sure that God has something wonderful beyond your imaginings in store for you! God bless you and may the Holy Spirit continue to give you (and all of us)the graces needed to persevere. Manya Kate,
I’m so sorry for what you’ve been through and continue to experience. You’re obviously a strong woman of faith.

It’s SO hard to stop dating someone you enjoy being with and with whom you can envision a real possibility of a future together. However, if there are things about the relationship that are not in line with your beliefs, then you’re right to be honest with him about it – and honest with yourself, too.

I do hope that your influence changes his mind and heart. If not, though, you’re a very wise woman to recognize that this isn’t the relationship for you and to take on the pain of walking away. I admire you for that and I’m sure that God has something wonderful beyond your imaginings in store for you!

God bless you and may the Holy Spirit continue to give you (and all of us)the graces needed to persevere.
Manya

]]> By: kate http://divorcedcatholicmoms.com/2008/10/giving-up-control/comment-page-1/#comment-24 kate Sat, 25 Oct 2008 02:00:23 +0000 http://mssservices.wordpress.com/?p=124#comment-24 Thank you for your story about dating; my marriage has been annulled and I struggled with seeing a man who was not interersted in getting his Decree of nullity. I have recently told him we can't see one another until he pursues the process. It is hard and lonely especially when the father of my children wants to control me and last month it was four years since he manipulated the court system to take my two little girls from me. I struggle everyday living without them. I tried to live near my girls but his manipulation nearly destroyed me. The hardest part now is not allowing myself to go out with this man because we like to spend time together but I think he won't let God take control of his life fully. I am a convert so it was an adult choice which I fully embraced. God Bless In Him, Kate Thank you for your story about dating; my marriage has been annulled and I struggled with seeing a man who was not interersted in getting his Decree of nullity. I have recently told him we can’t see one another until he pursues the process. It is hard and lonely especially when the father of my children wants to control me and last month it was four years since he manipulated the court system to take my two little girls from me. I struggle everyday living without them. I tried to live near my girls but his manipulation nearly destroyed me.

The hardest part now is not allowing myself to go out with this man because we like to spend time together but I think he won’t let God take control of his life fully. I am a convert so it was an adult choice which I fully embraced.

God Bless
In Him,
Kate

]]> By: Manya http://divorcedcatholicmoms.com/2008/10/giving-up-control/comment-page-1/#comment-26 Manya Wed, 08 Oct 2008 15:57:48 +0000 http://mssservices.wordpress.com/?p=124#comment-26 Kim, Thank you for joining the discussion! I'm sorry for the challenges you're experiencing now. I agree that it's difficult to know if we're choosing a path because WE want it or because God is leading us there. Perhaps more prayer and really listening to our gut feelings can answer that question? Maybe it's a matter of practice? Or perhaps a matter of gathering all the facts, comparing them to the church's teachings, and THEN listening to our gut feelings? And praying.... I don't have any answers but we can support each other and stumble our way through this together. I find it REALLY helpful just knowing I'm not alone in my beliefs, challenges and concerns....knowing I'm not quite the nut case that some people would have me believe! :0) Thanks again, Kim. I hope to hear from you again. Manya Kim,
Thank you for joining the discussion! I’m sorry for the challenges you’re experiencing now. I agree that it’s difficult to know if we’re choosing a path because WE want it or because God is leading us there. Perhaps more prayer and really listening to our gut feelings can answer that question? Maybe it’s a matter of practice? Or perhaps a matter of gathering all the facts, comparing them to the church’s teachings, and THEN listening to our gut feelings? And praying….
I don’t have any answers but we can support each other and stumble our way through this together. I find it REALLY helpful just knowing I’m not alone in my beliefs, challenges and concerns….knowing I’m not quite the nut case that some people would have me believe! :0)

Thanks again, Kim. I hope to hear from you again.
Manya

]]> By: Kim http://divorcedcatholicmoms.com/2008/10/giving-up-control/comment-page-1/#comment-25 Kim Wed, 08 Oct 2008 14:20:14 +0000 http://mssservices.wordpress.com/?p=124#comment-25 Manya, thank you so much for this post. I'm a Catholic convert (11 yrs now) and there's still so much I don't know or understand. I've been asking God for several years now to help me be a better Christian, wife, mother, friend, etc. I've also asked for his help in my chosen vocation, to tell me if that is where he feels my best talents lie, and if so, to lead my clients and me to each other (and if not, to lead me to the vocation he feels is best for me). Now, my marriage (to a life-long Catholic man) has failed, my business has all but failed, and I'm still not sure what God wants me to do. I've asked him to use a baseball bat on my head, just to be sure I get his message! :o) I've told God several times that I'm giving up my life to him, and I asked him to lead me as he wishes. I, too, wonder what it means to give ourselves up to him. I thought I was doing that, but am I really? I don't have a clue. I can't tell when I'm doing something because *I* want to do it or because God is leading me to it (whether "it" is a man I'm dating, a job I'm seeking, etc.). I don't think I've ever been more confused about anything in my life. I look forward to reading more comments and learning more about what giving up control of our lives to God looks like. Great post! Manya, thank you so much for this post. I’m a Catholic convert (11 yrs now) and there’s still so much I don’t know or understand. I’ve been asking God for several years now to help me be a better Christian, wife, mother, friend, etc. I’ve also asked for his help in my chosen vocation, to tell me if that is where he feels my best talents lie, and if so, to lead my clients and me to each other (and if not, to lead me to the vocation he feels is best for me). Now, my marriage (to a life-long Catholic man) has failed, my business has all but failed, and I’m still not sure what God wants me to do. I’ve asked him to use a baseball bat on my head, just to be sure I get his message! :o ) I’ve told God several times that I’m giving up my life to him, and I asked him to lead me as he wishes. I, too, wonder what it means to give ourselves up to him. I thought I was doing that, but am I really? I don’t have a clue. I can’t tell when I’m doing something because *I* want to do it or because God is leading me to it (whether “it” is a man I’m dating, a job I’m seeking, etc.). I don’t think I’ve ever been more confused about anything in my life. I look forward to reading more comments and learning more about what giving up control of our lives to God looks like. Great post!

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