I have a very special story to share with you that a friend recently shared with me. I hope you find it as inspiring and motivating as I did.

My husband left me in 1993, and it wasn’t until 1995 that I initiated the annulment process. During those first years of divorce, I dated and had one relationship which I regret, not only because I was betraying my vows and offending God, but also because it was not a healthy relationship and it only made my pain of divorce worse.

In 1997, I received a declaration of nullity and had also undergone a major rejuvenation of my faith and dedication to Christ. I felt I was finally in the right place to begin dating and seeking a new spouse. But I became terribly disappointed with dating. The only Catholic men I was meeting were young men who had never been married, or guys who were close to my age (late 30′s) who were either divorced, not Catholic, or Catholic “but not really.” I began to lose hope in finding anyone who would be right to marry. Then, I began to doubt that getting married again was part of God’s plan for me.

During my first marriage, I had suffered 3 miscarriages, one at about 20 weeks along. The doctors detected the problem and I had major surgery to fix it, but was told afterwards that although I could now carry children, the surgery had rendered me sterile and my chances of conceiving were less than 1%. This happened just shortly before my husband left. So I began to wonder if God had never intended for me to be married in the first place…?

Divorced, no chance of having children… was God trying to tell me something? That’s when a thought occurred to me. Maybe I was supposed to be a nun this whole time!

The men and women who consecrate themselves to Christ alone and live their days in total service to Him are people I admire immensely. However, I have never felt called to be a nun or consecrated woman. This tiny doubt, though, began a long period of arguing with God. I didn’t want to let go of my dream of being a wife and mother, but every time I thought of that dream, the image of a nun tapped me on the shoulder. I still dated during this time and, yet, only became more miserable.

One day, I was in my car stopped at a red traffic light. A family was crossing the cross-walk in front of me; a mom pushing a stroller and a dad with their child on his shoulders. I thought it was a beautiful sight. But, of course, the thoughts of being a nun came crashing through and I immediately pushed them away for the billionth time – with anger and frustration.

Suddenly, everything became very quiet; outside, but especially inside. It was like Jesus telling the stormy seas to calm. Then, my heart heard a very gentle, unmistakable voice which said, “Why won’t you give me this part of your life?” I knew it was Christ speaking to me and I could not deny Him. I knew He wanted me to loosen the vice grip I had on my dream of marriage and motherhood and let Him take care of my life. The encounter I had with Christ at that moment brought me to tears and changed me.

The next morning I went to mass before work. I am a visual person and so, during the consecration, I imagined my wedding dress thrown over the altar and lifted up with the paten, just so I could drive the point home to myself that I was going to let God handle my life from now on. The only mistake I was making here, was that I thought this meant I was going to be a nun. So I committed myself to going down that path even though I didn’t want to. I went on a retreat with a community of consecrated ladies in Rhode Island and I had an appointment set up with the Carmelite convent in New Haven, CT. to meet with the Mother Superior.

HOWEVER, two weeks after that special mass offering, the man who is now my incredible husband, Jim, walked into my place of employment. When I was introduced to him as a new co-worker, I didn’t think anything of it, but he said he knew almost right away that he would marry me. Jim had been in the seminary studying for the priesthood for 10 years previous to this. When he and his spiritual director came to the conclusion that he was not meant to be a priest, he experienced his own type of divorce.

He was in for a long haul if he wanted to date me, because I was convinced at that point that I was supposed to be a nun or consecrated woman! In the 7 months we worked together, we went from me not liking him very much at all , to the two of us becoming comfortable as co-workers, then to striking up a friendship and, finally, to me realizing that he was the one God had picked for me! And knowing he was THE one became as clear to me as that earlier message that I had to give God control of my dream.

None of this “giving up control to God” is easy for anyone. It takes a “supernatural attitude” that the world seems to tell us is nonsense. I know Jim is the one God meant for me and that God brought us together. The day we married was like night and day in comparison to my first marriage. When we took our vows, I had NO reservations, NO doubts.  I was filled with joy.

I was obviously mistaken in thinking that God was asking me to become a nun. He simply wanted me to trust Him with that very important part of my life – my dreams for myself and my future. I had prayed for years that God would bring me a man who would not make fun of me for practicing my faith and that I alone would be good enough for him (no other women involved). When I finally gave my hopes and dreams to God, He gave me so much more than I ever could have asked for…

We now have 3 beautiful children, ages 4, 5 and 7, despite the conclusion of the doctors that I would never be able to conceive. Jim is a great father and wonderful husband who loves me and me alone. I could not have picked anyone better, which is why I’m so glad I let God pick him for me.

My point is to simply say:

• Trust God.

• Give Him the relationship(s) that have ended.

• Give Him your sorrow and loneliness.

• Grant Him access to your dream for happiness in the future and give Him full control.

He will not disappoint you!!

That story from a woman of great faith who has experienced the hell of divorce and came through a painful learning process to finally experience the amazing results of giving up her free will to God – is SO helpful. (sorry for the extra long sentence)

By the way, that’s Lisa Duffy’s story – one of the authors of Divorced. Catholic. Now What? - a book I HIGHLY recommend.

If you have a similar story or know of someone who does, please share it with us! If it’s not your own story, of course please ask permission first.  I’ll be thrilled to put it in a future post.

Until next time…May God bless you and those you love.

Manya