The Next Phase

Tomorrow, my second oldest graduates from college! That just amazes me. I swear it seems like yesterday…well, okay….a couple years ago :0)….that I graduated from college. How could it possibly have been 27 years ago?!  And how could I have two children at that point in their lives! (My oldest graduated last year.)

Funny how memories can remain so fresh.

I met my husband (ex-husband) in college. He was a sophomore and I was a junior. We lived on the same floor of the dorm. Yep…it was a very progressive college. I had no idea the dorms were coed until the day I moved in. I don’t know how my parents and I managed to miss that little detail…

Anyway, I think a couple months went by before he and I met. I still vividly remember the first time I saw him. I was sitting on my bed and the door to the room was open.Strangely enough, my roommate and I were having a conversation about the type of men we wanted to marry. Then he walked by and I was taken by his looks and the way he was dressed and how he was walking with purpose (he was on his way to class and probably didn’t have a second to spare). He was handsome and he wore dark brown corduroy pants with a matching vest and a brown plaid, long sleeved shirt.  And he carried an umbrella!  He looked rather professorial and I liked that.

We started dating a few months later and were an ‘item’ for the next couple of years. We had some rough spots in our courtship (which originated with me, truth be told) but after 5 years of dating, we married. We had originally planned to marry the year before we actually did but just 2 months before the wedding, we called it off.  It simply didn’t feel ‘right’ to either of us…but we never really discussed it.  So strange to not have talked about it. (and to not have acknowledged the huge red flags waving)

We continued to see each other…I dated another man briefly but was drawn back to him.  We had been dating so long and we got along well and were very comfortable with each other. So we got married the next year.

I know, I know….those are not the best reasons for two people to get married. We were young and idealistic (“everything will turn out well”).  Mostly, though, I believe that each of us was afraid of being alone and of starting over again in new relationships. It seemed easier in our minds to simply marry each other…

I can look back now over our years together and see clearly the part I played in the downfall of our marriage and how everything fell apart and why.  Through our separation and divorce, though, I was too angry and hurt to see things clearly or to take on any blame.  Time and going through the annulment process (and being honest with myself) helped to open my eyes.  This is just one reason why I encourage divorced Catholics to go through the process – when they’re ready to.

So, my second oldest is starting a new phase of her life tomorrow.   I’m almost envious and almost wish I could return to that time of limitless possibilities stretched out before me.  But then again…I’m glad all that is behind me.  I’m enjoying THIS phase of my life and the results of all the growth I’ve done over the years and all the experiences I’ve had.  There was good and there was bad but each went into making me who I am today. I”m definitely older, wiser and more confident.  I have regrets – most definitely – but I”m happy.

I wish a wonderful, exciting, interesting, happy, fulfilling life to my daughter. I pray that she is wiser at her age than her mother and father were.  And I pray that she never experiences a failed marriage.   (Actually, she’s already experienced a failed marriage, as have all my children.  So, I pray that they never experience the failure of another marriage – their own.)

Whatever comes her way, though, and whatever results from decisions she and those she loves makes – I know everything WILL turn out well…

May God bless you and those you love with the very best of Christmases and may He help you to make the new year an amazing one!

Manya