Comments on: Separation & Divorce – The Grieving Process http://divorcedcatholicmoms.com/2009/02/separation-divorce-the-grieving-process/ Just another WordPress weblog Sun, 13 May 2012 15:13:50 +0000 hourly 1 http://wordpress.org/?v=3.3.2 By: Manya http://divorcedcatholicmoms.com/2009/02/separation-divorce-the-grieving-process/comment-page-1/#comment-2260 Manya Sun, 07 Nov 2010 14:54:34 +0000 http://divorcedcatholicmoms.com/?p=357#comment-2260 Kevin, Hopefully someone will leave a comment with a support group in your area. In the meantime, I suggest contacting your diocesan office and asking them for referrals. Also...go to <a href="http://www.divorcedcatholic.org" rel="nofollow">www.divorcedcatholic.org</a>. You can find support there! God bless and bring you peace. Manya Kevin,
Hopefully someone will leave a comment with a support group in your area. In the meantime, I suggest contacting your diocesan office and asking them for referrals. Also…go to http://www.divorcedcatholic.org. You can find support there!

God bless and bring you peace.
Manya

]]> By: Kevin http://divorcedcatholicmoms.com/2009/02/separation-divorce-the-grieving-process/comment-page-1/#comment-2247 Kevin Thu, 04 Nov 2010 15:06:25 +0000 http://divorcedcatholicmoms.com/?p=357#comment-2247 My situation is that I would like to find a group for suppport in my area....I am a 58 year old man..whose wife of 14 years cheated..moved in with her lover and we divorced...it has been 13 months and I am still in a fog....not only have I lost my wife ..I also had retired and lost all contact with my grandchildren who I love very much...life has come to a screacing halt.....anyone know a support group in RI............Thanks My situation is that I would like to find a group for suppport in my area….I am a 58 year old man..whose wife of 14 years cheated..moved in with her lover and we divorced…it has been 13 months and I am still in a fog….not only have I lost my wife ..I also had retired and lost all contact with my grandchildren who I love very much…life has come to a screacing halt…..anyone know a support group in RI…………Thanks

]]> By: Manya http://divorcedcatholicmoms.com/2009/02/separation-divorce-the-grieving-process/comment-page-1/#comment-2101 Manya Sun, 10 Oct 2010 15:33:09 +0000 http://divorcedcatholicmoms.com/?p=357#comment-2101 Becca, I don't believe God is punishing you...I don't think He does that. You're doing more than enough of that yourself. <em>"I am trying my hardest to move on with my life and there are so many road blocks that are coming up and I just feel like its part of my punishment."</em> That's called "life," Becca. God helps...He doesn't make our lives harder for us...we do that. I highly recommend that you go to confession and really speak to the priest about your worries. I also recommend that you make an appointment to speak with a priest about this outside of confession. They are there to help us. Granted, some priests are better than others when it comes to giving wise counsel...they're human after all. So, if you don't already know a priest like that, ask around. Have you pursued an annulment? I recommend that you do so, for all the reasons I've given elsewhere on the blog...it's a healing process. <em>"I also do not want to rush into another relationship and make the same mistake twice."</em> Listen to all that wisdom coming straight from yourself in that last sentence. :) Use this time to get to know yourself better and make changes if necessary...and to figure out what went wrong in your marriage...and to figure out what you really want...and to become stronger in faith. And, here's a recommendation I make all the time because I feel so strongly about the help that is here....run on over to <a href="www.DivorcedCatholic.com" rel="nofollow">www.DivorcedCatholic.com</a> and sign up for their newsletter and daily inspirations...and then get involved on their forum...and look around their site. Take advantage of all the help they offer! And listen to their blog radio show...they have past shows recorded and accessible...you can get to them by clicking in the left hand column on the Blog Talk Radio icon on each page of my blog. :) Hang in there, Becca. God bless and bring you peace, Manya Becca,
I don’t believe God is punishing you…I don’t think He does that. You’re doing more than enough of that yourself.
“I am trying my hardest to move on with my life and there are so many road blocks that are coming up and I just feel like its part of my punishment.” That’s called “life,” Becca. God helps…He doesn’t make our lives harder for us…we do that.

I highly recommend that you go to confession and really speak to the priest about your worries. I also recommend that you make an appointment to speak with a priest about this outside of confession. They are there to help us. Granted, some priests are better than others when it comes to giving wise counsel…they’re human after all. So, if you don’t already know a priest like that, ask around.

Have you pursued an annulment? I recommend that you do so, for all the reasons I’ve given elsewhere on the blog…it’s a healing process.

“I also do not want to rush into another relationship and make the same mistake twice.” Listen to all that wisdom coming straight from yourself in that last sentence. :) Use this time to get to know yourself better and make changes if necessary…and to figure out what went wrong in your marriage…and to figure out what you really want…and to become stronger in faith.

And, here’s a recommendation I make all the time because I feel so strongly about the help that is here….run on over to http://www.DivorcedCatholic.com and sign up for their newsletter and daily inspirations…and then get involved on their forum…and look around their site. Take advantage of all the help they offer! And listen to their blog radio show…they have past shows recorded and accessible…you can get to them by clicking in the left hand column on the Blog Talk Radio icon on each page of my blog. :)

Hang in there, Becca. God bless and bring you peace,
Manya

]]> By: Becca http://divorcedcatholicmoms.com/2009/02/separation-divorce-the-grieving-process/comment-page-1/#comment-2097 Becca Fri, 08 Oct 2010 05:00:47 +0000 http://divorcedcatholicmoms.com/?p=357#comment-2097 Hi have been divorced for 1 1/2 - 2 years. My fiance and I were together for 6 years before we decided to get married. The reason why we divorced well the main reason was one day after I came home from the fertility doctor he sat me down and said he does not want to give me kids. We tried to work things out. We went to couseling but I came out more mad after counseling and he never tried to spend time with me while we were trying to work out our marriages. He would rather work overtime then save our marriage. The last straw was when my grandmother had a stroke and I went to go see him because he was the only one that knew how much she meant to me and he acted like he didn't care. Yes I filed the paper work. I now feel like I am still getting punished by God for the divorce. I am trying my hardest to move on with my life and there are so many road blocks that are coming up and I just feel like its part of my punishment. Im trying to date again and the guys that I attract I feel like God is putting them in my path as part of my punishment because they are no good. If I knew it was going to be this hard I think I would have stayed with my ex-husband. Then I think again I couldn't I want a family and he didn't. Am I still getting punished for the divorce? Should I have stayed married? How do I move on? I am 28 yrs old going on 29 and everyone says Im young and I still have time but all I think about is my future and do I even have time. I also do not want to rush in another relationship and make the same mistake twice. Hi have been divorced for 1 1/2 – 2 years. My fiance and I were together for 6 years before we decided to get married. The reason why we divorced well the main reason was one day after I came home from the fertility doctor he sat me down and said he does not want to give me kids. We tried to work things out. We went to couseling but I came out more mad after counseling and he never tried to spend time with me while we were trying to work out our marriages. He would rather work overtime then save our marriage. The last straw was when my grandmother had a stroke and I went to go see him because he was the only one that knew how much she meant to me and he acted like he didn’t care. Yes I filed the paper work. I now feel like I am still getting punished by God for the divorce. I am trying my hardest to move on with my life and there are so many road blocks that are coming up and I just feel like its part of my punishment. Im trying to date again and the guys that I attract I feel like God is putting them in my path as part of my punishment because they are no good. If I knew it was going to be this hard I think I would have stayed with my ex-husband. Then I think again I couldn’t I want a family and he didn’t. Am I still getting punished for the divorce? Should I have stayed married? How do I move on? I am 28 yrs old going on 29 and everyone says Im young and I still have time but all I think about is my future and do I even have time. I also do not want to rush in another relationship and make the same mistake twice.

]]> By: Manya http://divorcedcatholicmoms.com/2009/02/separation-divorce-the-grieving-process/comment-page-1/#comment-1432 Manya Sun, 23 May 2010 15:42:32 +0000 http://divorcedcatholicmoms.com/?p=357#comment-1432 It also sounds to me like he's going through a midlife crisis. Yes, he's hurt you terribly and he's destroyed the trust you had in him. He'll need to work to rebuild that and you'll need to be open to working at trusting him again. Can it be done? No one can say but you'll never know if you don't try. Have you read the stories on <a href="http://www.faithandfamilylive.com/" rel="nofollow">http://www.faithandfamilylive.com/ </a>that I gave links to on my site? Sorry, I don't remember off hand which post those are in but you can search for them using the "search" box at the top of the right hand column. Or go to that site and search for articles on marriage, separation and/or divorce. There are some excellent stories there from people who have been through similar experiences and were able to heal their relationships! I apologize for not doing the search for you but I'm in a hurry this morning....we just brought my mother home from the hospital yesterday and I need to be leaving soon. May God bless and bring you peace! Manya P.S. Updating this reply....see this article - <a href="http://divorcedcatholicmoms.com/articles/is-divorce-inevitable/" rel="nofollow">Is Divorce Inevitable</a> - for links to the articles I mentioned. It also sounds to me like he’s going through a midlife crisis. Yes, he’s hurt you terribly and he’s destroyed the trust you had in him. He’ll need to work to rebuild that and you’ll need to be open to working at trusting him again. Can it be done? No one can say but you’ll never know if you don’t try.
Have you read the stories on http://www.faithandfamilylive.com/ that I gave links to on my site? Sorry, I don’t remember off hand which post those are in but you can search for them using the “search” box at the top of the right hand column. Or go to that site and search for articles on marriage, separation and/or divorce. There are some excellent stories there from people who have been through similar experiences and were able to heal their relationships! I apologize for not doing the search for you but I’m in a hurry this morning….we just brought my mother home from the hospital yesterday and I need to be leaving soon.

May God bless and bring you peace!
Manya
P.S. Updating this reply….see this article – Is Divorce Inevitable – for links to the articles I mentioned.

]]> By: Manya http://divorcedcatholicmoms.com/2009/02/separation-divorce-the-grieving-process/comment-page-1/#comment-1431 Manya Sun, 23 May 2010 15:34:16 +0000 http://divorcedcatholicmoms.com/?p=357#comment-1431 I can't advise you beyond recommending that you keep praying about this and trust in God. As for the devil...I wouldn't think he'd sway you towards reconciling with your husband...that's not the kind of thing the devil would want. I believe that a marriage relationship in which both people want to reconcile can be healed. It will take a lot of work and a lot of rebuilding of trust and a lot of prayer. Please talk with a priest and, hopefully, your husband will go with you. Also...have you considered Retrouvaille? My prayers are with you! Manya P.S. Again, this is purely my personal opinion, but I think it's always best to face ones fears. I can’t advise you beyond recommending that you keep praying about this and trust in God. As for the devil…I wouldn’t think he’d sway you towards reconciling with your husband…that’s not the kind of thing the devil would want.
I believe that a marriage relationship in which both people want to reconcile can be healed. It will take a lot of work and a lot of rebuilding of trust and a lot of prayer. Please talk with a priest and, hopefully, your husband will go with you. Also…have you considered Retrouvaille?

My prayers are with you!
Manya
P.S. Again, this is purely my personal opinion, but I think it’s always best to face ones fears.

]]> By: Edwina http://divorcedcatholicmoms.com/2009/02/separation-divorce-the-grieving-process/comment-page-1/#comment-1413 Edwina Fri, 21 May 2010 20:27:31 +0000 http://divorcedcatholicmoms.com/?p=357#comment-1413 Continued. I should mention that when we married 17 years ago we tried to have a family and the pregnancies were unsuccessful. I'm 47 years old as well. Adoption is out of the question for him and he doesn't want to try surrogacy. He says he loves me all the time now but how could he if he's not home yet. He has his own place and claims he'll break the lease which he didn't want to do a month ago. It just seems he's having an easier time with this than I am. He doesn't seem to see how much pain he's caused me. My family says he's selfish. He's on my mind 24/7 is this normal? Or am I obsessed! Help! Continued.

I should mention that when we married 17 years ago we tried to have a family and the pregnancies were unsuccessful. I’m 47 years old as well. Adoption is out of the question for him and he doesn’t want to try surrogacy. He says he loves me all the time now but how could he if he’s not home yet. He has his own place and claims he’ll break the lease which he didn’t want to do a month ago. It just seems he’s having an easier time with this than I am. He doesn’t seem to see how much pain he’s caused me. My family says he’s selfish. He’s on my mind 24/7 is this normal? Or am I obsessed! Help!

]]> By: Edwina http://divorcedcatholicmoms.com/2009/02/separation-divorce-the-grieving-process/comment-page-1/#comment-1412 Edwina Fri, 21 May 2010 19:57:50 +0000 http://divorcedcatholicmoms.com/?p=357#comment-1412 My husband and I have been separated for almost 8 months now. (24 years together). He moved to another state with family but still keeps in touch. It seemed hopeless at first but now he's been talking about coming home. Well he's been saying that for some time now but he seems to be more serious now. I have been praying and praying for strength so that he won't hurt me again. I'm afraid but feel that I should try it out if he comes back. I feel God brought us together and I should try to restore our marriage. I fight with my feelings about this all the time. I'm not sure if i'm hearing from God or the devil. Because I know the devil knows my weaknesses which is the love for my husband. I feel the need to hear from him more often because I feel empty without him. I have a son from a previous relationship whom my husband raised since he was 3 (we have a grandson now). He left because he wanted a child, he doesn't have any. He claims he may be able to live with it now. He feels he can't live without me because he thinks about me all of the time. He was unfaithful prior to our separation because he wanted to have a kid. He's 47 years old. Any advice? I don't know if i can trust him. Should i face my fears? My husband and I have been separated for almost 8 months now. (24 years together). He moved to another state with family but still keeps in touch. It seemed hopeless at first but now he’s been talking about coming home. Well he’s been saying that for some time now but he seems to be more serious now. I have been praying and praying for strength so that he won’t hurt me again. I’m afraid but feel that I should try it out if he comes back. I feel God brought us together and I should try to restore our marriage. I fight with my feelings about this all the time. I’m not sure if i’m hearing from God or the devil. Because I know the devil knows my weaknesses which is the love for my husband. I feel the need to hear from him more often because I feel empty without him. I have a son from a previous relationship whom my husband raised since he was 3 (we have a grandson now). He left because he wanted a child, he doesn’t have any. He claims he may be able to live with it now. He feels he can’t live without me because he thinks about me all of the time. He was unfaithful prior to our separation because he wanted to have a kid. He’s 47 years old. Any advice? I don’t know if i can trust him. Should i face my fears?

]]> By: Manya http://divorcedcatholicmoms.com/2009/02/separation-divorce-the-grieving-process/comment-page-1/#comment-1349 Manya Wed, 05 May 2010 17:13:55 +0000 http://divorcedcatholicmoms.com/?p=357#comment-1349 Phaedra, I'm so sorry. I can't advise you but I can tell you that you're a very wise woman! I was impressed by how you stated your situation and the insight you have. I suggest seeing if your parish, or a parish in your area, provides counselors. Counseling for yourself might be a good idea. If your husband would go, that would probably be good, too. Speaking with your pastor or a priest you're comfortable with would be a great idea. They're there to help us with these things and they have resources to offer, so please approach them. And don't assume to know ahead of time what a priest will tell you. And, YES, you will be okay! I have NO doubt about that. Seek help for yourself, keep praying even if it feels useless...and I'll keep you in my prayers. May God bring you peace! Manya Phaedra,
I’m so sorry. I can’t advise you but I can tell you that you’re a very wise woman! I was impressed by how you stated your situation and the insight you have. I suggest seeing if your parish, or a parish in your area, provides counselors. Counseling for yourself might be a good idea. If your husband would go, that would probably be good, too. Speaking with your pastor or a priest you’re comfortable with would be a great idea. They’re there to help us with these things and they have resources to offer, so please approach them. And don’t assume to know ahead of time what a priest will tell you.
And, YES, you will be okay! I have NO doubt about that.
Seek help for yourself, keep praying even if it feels useless…and I’ll keep you in my prayers.
May God bring you peace!
Manya

]]> By: Phaedra http://divorcedcatholicmoms.com/2009/02/separation-divorce-the-grieving-process/comment-page-1/#comment-1341 Phaedra Tue, 04 May 2010 00:49:01 +0000 http://divorcedcatholicmoms.com/?p=357#comment-1341 Dear Manya, here I was, crying on my sofa wishing there was someone who could help me to process these feelings, and I found you! I'm not sure if you can advise me, as I'm a mess. Will I ever be ok? <em> [this comment has been edited by Manya - Phaedra is in a long term marriage where there is emotional abuse - she feels she needs to get out of the marriage but is feeling a huge amount of guilt and fear.]</em> Dear Manya, here I was, crying on my sofa wishing there was someone who could help me to process these feelings, and I found you! I’m not sure if you can advise me, as I’m a mess. Will I ever be ok? [this comment has been edited by Manya - Phaedra is in a long term marriage where there is emotional abuse - she feels she needs to get out of the marriage but is feeling a huge amount of guilt and fear.]

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