Blessings Can Be Found During Separation & Divorce

Difficult times can be no more than that – if you let them be.

OR…..

You can recognize the good things that can result from bad situations.

This takes practice, especially if you’re not a naturally optimistic person.  But the rewards are great – so practice!

In an earlier post, I spoke a bit about the unexpected good that came from the storm of my separation and divorce.  Lisa Duffy & Vince Frese, co-authors of Divorced. Catholic. Now What?, also spoke about things they experienced as a result of their separations and divorces.  I believe they touched on these things in their first teleconference call – The Five Keys to Healing.  (By the way, check out their new site at DivorcedCatholic.com.   It’s awesome.  They now have a member area where full members have free access to the audios of their calls, as well as to their DVD – that’s a huge benefit! – a discount on their books AND a forum where you can interact with other divorced Catholics.  Be sure to at least register for their monthly newsletter!)

Back to the topic at hand….

One woman I know recalled the relief of being able to practice her religion without being challenged.

The “good” that I found during our separation (once I realized our marriage could not be saved – it took me two years to get to that point) was the lack of confrontation when my husband was not around.  That was a relief.  Don’t get me wrong.  I wanted my husband to be home and for us to make our marriage good again.  But the truth of it was that he’d moved on and with all that had taken place, it had become extremely uncomfortable when he was here.

Another realization that came from the very challenging times of our separation and divorce was how strong I was and what I was capable of doing when absolutely necessary.  I now have a level of confidence I never had before and I can honestly say that I enjoy life more because of that confidence.

Ideally, a person discovers these things about themselves within marriage and with the help and support of their spouse.  I wish that had been the case in my marriage. (I was at fault there, too, not just my husband. )

Do you feel guilty about seeing (or trying to see ) good in something as awful as divorce?  I understand completely and yet…it shows great faith and strength and wisdom to be able to do so.  After all, what is one of the great hallmarks of the saints?  Being joyful!  A person of true faith knows that there’s ALWAYS reason to be joyful.  Why?  Because heaven and an eternity with God and our loved ones waits for us.  NO person can take that away from us.  Only we can take that away….

Now THAT’S something to be joyful about!  And what a great way to “silently” witness your faith to those around you.  Remember what St. Francis of Assisi said, “Preach the gospel at all times and when necessary use words.” 

I’m rambling….

Again, please don’t get me wrong.  I’m not saying that divorce itself can ever be viewed as good.  I’m saying that when experiencing bad things, recognize the good that is there, too…even if it’s very, very, very small.  These things give you a reprieve (however fleeting) from the bad times and that helps to build the strength you need to get through those times.

Am I stretching things here?  I just had a discussion about this post with a dear friend and he completely disagrees with me.  He feels there’s “danger” in striving to see good in every bad situation.  His point of view is that this will keep a person from learning from such situations and, thereby, keep them from being repeated.

What do you think?

Manya