Yesterday’s show topic was about dating and intimacy after divorce. This is a HUGE “issue” for us…

• Is dating okay after divorce and without having received a Declaration of Nullity?
  
• Is dating okay during separation?
  
• How about intimacy? The world tells us to be intimate with someone as soon as possible as a way of healing your hurt psyche and “get on with life.”
  

But IS that the best way to go?!

What about our faith?

Do I now have to be alone and celibate for the rest of my life???

But my spouse chose to throw our marriage away and divorce me…why should I be punished for that????

Yep…been there done that…and I didn’t have Lisa Duffy and Vince Frese of Divorced Catholic to help me to answer those tough questions…but YOU do!

Just click on the Blog Talk Radio box in the left column of this page and you can then click on the episode you’d like to listen to. And try to listen to the show live when you can so you can ask Lisa, Vince and their guests questions. Use this tremendous resource that is available to you…it’s truly a blessing.

May God bless and bring you peace.

Manya

We are pleased to announce the Journey of Hope Radio show on BlogTalkRadio.Com beginning Wednesday, June 30th, 2010 at 9:00AM EST!

There is a great need for an ongoing discussion regarding the challenges divorced Catholic men and women face, and through this program we hope to engage our distinguished guests and listeners in an informative and supportive conversation. Our goal is to provide you with accurate information and support as you deal with the process and aftermath of divorce.

Our first guest will be Fr. Thomas Williams, LC, back by popular demand from his appearance as Keynote Speaker at the Journey of Hope 2010 Conference last February. Fr. Thomas, Vince, and I will be eager to take your calls! The call-in number for the show is 1(347)989-1231.

Perhaps the best part about the show is that it is recorded, so if you are unable to listen live you can always visit our show page at http://www.blogtalkradio.com/journeyofhoperadio and listen to the recorded podcast!

We ask for your prayers for the success of the program and look forward to taking your calls on June 30th at 9:00am EST!

Sincerely,
Lisa Duffy, DivorcedCatholic.Org

Be sure to put this on your calendar and listen. It’s going to be good!  Actually, go to the blog talk radio link and you can have them send you a reminder in any of four different ways! Too cool.  Also, remember that if you can’t listen live, you can access the recording afterwards.

May God bless and bring you peace,
Manya

New Legislation Helps Minnesotans Reconcile Marriages

I hope and pray that more states follow….

Manya

I did a google search and found one that seems to fit SO well.  She’s also a very interesting woman.  I’d like to find a good book on her, so if you know of one, please don’t keep it to yourself!

The following is from AmericanCatholic.org….

St. Helen (249-329) found the True Cross in Jerusalem and, for many centuries, devotion to St. Helen has been linked to devotion to the Holy Cross. It would be hard to find a painting, statue or holy card of her that does not depict her embracing the cross.

But there is another, sadder facet of Helen’s life. After 22 years of marriage, Helen’s husband, Constantius, divorced her in order to make a politically advantageous marriage with a young woman who was a member of Rome’s imperial family.

Clearly, St. Helen would be a natural choice as patron of divorced and divorcing people, so why has this devotion to her arisen only recently? For most of the 1,700 years since Helen’s death, divorce was rare, even among non-Catholics. Among Catholics it was almost unthinkable. Today, unfortunately, when divorce has become commonplace, St. Helen is offered to unhappy spouses as a heavenly patron who can truly sympathize with their anguish.

Helen was also the mother of the Roman emperor, Constantine, who was the first Christian Roman emperor.  He is also a saint.

Well…who could be a more perfect patron saint for us?  Not only did she experience the horrors of divorce… then go on to be declared a saint… but she raised a son who has also been declared a saint!!  She sounds to me like she was an amazing woman in many respects.

I found a holy card that can be purchased from The Shrine of Our Lady of Czestochowa, which is in Pennsylvania.  The prayer on the card is also just perfect for us:

Holy and blessed Saint Helen,

with the anguish and devotion with which You sought the Cross of Christ,

I plead that You give me God’s grace to suffer in patience the labours of this life,

so that through them and through your intercession and protections,

I will be able to seek and carry the Cross, which God has placed on me,

so that I can serve Him in this life and enjoy His Glory ever after.  Amen

If you have any tidbits of information about St. Helen to share with us, please do!!

May God bless and bring you peace.

St. Helen, pray for us.

Manya

P.S.  The image of a statue of St. Helen shows an old woman because it’s believed that she was in her 80′s when she found the cross!  Can you imagine being in your 80′s back in the late 200′s!  Truly an amazing woman…

(An important point…The novena of Divine Mercy leads up to the Feast of Divine Mercy.  They’re actually separate. It’s not necessary to pray the novena in order to celebrate & receive the blessings of the Feast of Divine Mercy. Of course, though, praying the novena is highly recommended!)

If you haven’t had a chance to read up on the story behind The Divine Mercy Novena and the blessings/promises attached to it and, also,  (more importantly) the celebration of the Feast of Mercy, let me tell you some important things…

First of all, the following (and so much more) was revealed to Sister Faustina Kowalska, who is now St. Faustina. Click on that link to learn more about her, the novena and Mercy Sunday.

The Feast of Mercy is the Sunday after Easter. Christ instituted this feast in order to offer each of us a fresh start…and what He has promised is truly stunning.  The following are the words He spoke to St. Faustina:

I want to grant a complete pardon to the souls that will go to Confession and receive Holy Communion on the Feast of My mercy.

Whoever approaches the Fountain of Life on this day will be granted complete forgiveness of sins and punishment.

If that didn’t fully sink in, read it again. COMPLETE forgiveness of sins AND punishment. That is huge!  (Of course, a complete and sincere confession needs to be made.)

It is not necessary to go to confession on the feast day itself. Actually we’re encouraged to go before this Sunday…even before Holy Week…so that there will not be an overwhelmingly
large number of people seeking confession on one day.

The Lord also insists that we be merciful ourselves!  Again, His words to St. Faustina:

Yes, the first Sunday after Easter is the Feast of Mercy, but there must also be acts of mercy…I demand from you deeds of mercy, which are to arise out of love for Me.  You are to show mercy to your neighbors always and everywhere. You must not shrink from this
or try to excuse or absolve yourself from it.

This may be the hardest part of this novena for those of us who have experienced or are experiencing divorce and the pains brought upon us and our children by our spouses!  It is NOT easy to forgive the one who vowed to love and remain faithful to you forever.  The one who is supposed to be your shelter from pain and troubles in your life.  The one who may have betrayed and hurt you in a way that NO other in this world is capable of.  Believe me, I know this.  It takes time and practice to be able to forgive your spouse for such things…and to be able to forgive the other person, IF there was another person involved in the destruction of your relationship.

God is asking, demanding actually, that we show mercy in exchange for His showing mercy to us.  That makes sense.  However, I think God will understand if you’re not able to completely forgive your spouse
just yet.  Simply start working on it with a genuine desire to be able to forgive him/her.  And, of course, show mercy in other areas of your life, too. AND, please don’t forget to show mercy to yourself!  Yes…sometimes we need to be able to forgive ourselves, too….sometimes more often than we’d care to admit.  Actually, in my experience, it wasn’t until I was able to fully acknowledge my part in the death of our relationship that I was able to really start forgiving my ex-husband – and myself.

So, here are all the steps to properly observing the Feast of Mercy: (taken from The Divine Mercy Message and Devotion)

1. Celebrate the Feast on the Sunday after Easter

2. Sincerely repent of all our sins;

3. Place our complete trust in Jesus;

4. Go to Confession, preferably before that Sunday;

5. Receive Holy Communion on the day of the Feast;

6. Venerate* the Image of The Divine Mercy;

7. Be merciful to others, through our actions, words, and prayers on their behalf.

*To venerate a sacred image or statue simply means to perform some act or make some gesture of deep religious respect toward it because of the person whom it represents.

Notice that in order to obtain the promises of Christ attached to celebrating The Feast of Mercy, it is NOT necessary to have participated in the novena.  So if you have not been praying the novena, please don’t let that stop you from celebrating this feast this coming Sunday.  Some parishes focus on this feast on Mercy Sunday…others (sadly) don’t even acknowledge it.  It’s not necessary for your parish to hold special celebrations in order for YOU to celebrate the feast.  Simply follow the 7 steps above on your own, individually.

God bless us all and bring us peace (and mercy!).

Manya

The post I want to share with you was written by Lisa and is about gratitude.  The message in this article is very similar to the message in my last post regarding anger, and how releasing it will help YOU.  In the same way, becoming very conscious of all that you have to be grateful for in your life…yes, even during this horrible time of separation and divorce…is healing.  I wrote a post a while back  along these lines – Blessings Can Be Found Through Separation & Divorce.

I’m going to keep myself from going on and on today and give you the link to Lisa’s article now.

Gratitude

May God bless you and bring you peace,

Manya

Some good and very relevant questions were asked and comments made, so I thought it would be a good idea to quote the writer’s statements here and try to speak to them for all of us to see. Please feel free to add your comments and/or questions either in the comment box or via email. I would REALLY like to hear from you on this!

I don’t mean to be rude here, but you say in your blog that while divorce is strongly discouraged for Catholics and something to be avoided IF AT ALL POSSIBLE, when a Catholic goes through a divorce, they are still Catholic in good standing within the Church & still able to participate in the sacraments (i.e. receive Holy Communion).  However, your answer conspicuously leaves out a basic moral teaching of the Catholic Church, one expressed quite unambiguously in the Catechism of the Catholic Church. The Catechism says: Divorce is a grave offense against the natural law. It claims to break the contract, to which the spouses freely consented, to live with each other till death.

You make good points. First, I need to state (re-state) that I am not a theologian so I am not in a position to debate the moral teachings of the Catholic Church as they relate to what is allowed by the Catholic Church and what is or isn’t considered to be a grave sin by the Catholic Church.  I’m sure that all practicing Catholics would agree  with and accept what is stated in the catechism about divorce being a grave offense.  Divorce is not a good thing.  Catholics are not pro-divorce…I think this is especially true of Catholics who have gone through divorce.  However, a Catholic who goes through a divorce, is not automatically in a state of grave sin. While it is possible for a Catholic who goes through divorce to be in a state of grave sin for behavior that may have contributed to the divorce or for choices that were made as a result of the divorce…the divorce itself is not a sin.

It furthermore says that Divorce is immoral also because it introduces disorder into the family and into society. ( Part 3, Section two, Article 6, IV., 2384 & 2385.)  Clearly, this is a little stronger view than just that divorce is strongly discouraged for Catholics and something to be avoided if at all possible.

This blog is written by and for divorced Catholic moms….we understand more than anyone else how divorce introduces disorder into a family.  Generally speaking, we’re the ones who end up trying to hold what’s left of our families together and bringing up our children, and trying to lead our children to healing, after the hell of divorce rips apart our lives.  We understand this to the very marrow of our bones.  (I’m not discounting the fathers out there who are thrust into the position of holding the family together after the mother decides to leave the marriage…they also understand this.)  I don’t know, though, what verbiage I should use other than “strongly discourage….and something to be avoided if at all possible” that would be more accurate.  I’ll think on that…

As to the good standing of a Catholic who is culpable of divorcing their spouse (obviously not every divorced spouse is responsible), if someone is truly responsible for a grave offense against the natural law they are really not in good standing.

True.  I did not want my marriage to end…if it had been completely up to me, I’d still be married and working to make our marriage better – for the rest of our lives.  However, it takes two people to make a good marriage and only one to push through a divorce.  I doubt that many who read this blog are the ones who pushed through their divorces.  If they are, I’m pretty sure they wouldn’t like what they read here and would search for a different message on a different blog. (Clarification: I’m speaking here of those who seek divorce for selfish reasons. There may be many readers here who felt they had to file for divorce in order to protect themselves and/or their children.)

You also encourage the pursuit of an annulment even if you feel that there’s no way you’d ever be granted one. I hope I’m not being unfair here, but that seems to be tantamount to saying that even if you don’t think your marriage is invalid, you can nevertheless try to get it declared as such. But to pursue an annulment just to be free of the marriage bond, and not if you have a real reason to doubt the validity of your  marriage, is a questionable approach, from a moral perspective at least. However I realize the moral perspective is not the first thought of many Catholics today and apparently is not the perspective of many Catholic Marriage Tribunals as well.

Again we are not in disagreement – completely.  I think you misunderstood my intent, which means I should state it more clearly – so thank you for pointing that out.  The reason I encourage all divorced Catholics to go through the annulment process is because the process is healing.  It’s a rigorous process that is not easy emotionally to get through.  The questions that are necessary to answer bring a person face-to-face with the relationship both before and after the wedding…and even direct the person to delve into their childhood relationships within their families.  It’s truly an all encompassing process that forces you to look deep into the relationships in your life and to face your own role in them….and your own role in the destruction of your marriage.  Going through a civil divorce is hell…to then choose to go through the annulment process takes a strong person who wants to understand what happened…which will help them to accept what happened, will help them to forgive their spouses AND will help them to forgive themselves. These things are hugely important.

And if the tribunal, through this process of delving into the lives of the people in the marriage, as well as the influence on them from family members…along with input from close friends and family members of the couple (those who knew them at the time of the wedding) find that the marriage was not valid….it’s good that this person will then have the opportunity to marry again within the Church. (If they ever choose to marry again.)

I thank the writer of the message that prompted this post.  His/her questions and comments were very important and I’m glad I was made to think about them…and was given the opportunity to share them with you here.

Again…I’m just a Catholic mom who has experienced the hell of divorce and the misconceptions of being a divorced Catholic and who wants to reach out to others going through this painful experience.  I’m not a theologian and not in a position to state absolutes about the teachings of the Catholic church or to debate them.  If I ever make statements about the Church that are wrong, I appreciate having this brought to my attention.  I do not ever want to mislead anyone where our faith is concerned.  On the contrary…I want to show that we are indeed still members of the Catholic Church, which is the source of strength, wisdom and love that we so need in our lives.

May God bless and bring you peace.

Manya

P.S. Just so you know….I ran this post past a priest who works in a tribunal and was told that nothing I said goes against Church teachings.

Today and tomorrow are the final days of the reduced registration fee of $187, which includes all meals and materials for the weekend.

The conference will be Sat. & Sun., Feb. 27 & 28, 2010.

The Atlanta Marriott North, the location of this event, has offered unheard of rates for their premium guest rooms. Normally offered at $185 per night, the Marriott has offered them to us for $79. This is an incredibly generous offer that we want you to be able to take advantage of!

So come and learn, hear fantastic speakers, have great food, socialize with others who understand you, and open your heart to God who wants to heal you!

There’s no better time than at the Journey of Hope 2010 Conference. Visit www.journeyofhopeconference.com to register, or call 404-493-2190.

Early Bird Reg. Fee through Jan. 31, 2010: $187

Reg. Fee after Jan. 31, 2010: $235

Deadline to Register: February 5, 2010

What is your greatest concern regarding being a divorced, Catholic parent?

Starting next week, I plan to post once/week about one of the concerns I’ve received.  Of course, I will never refer to anyone by name…this will be completely anonymous (so please don’t hesitate to share your concerns, too).

I’m very grateful to everyone who has taken the time to send me  answers to that question!  If you’d like to answer it ,too, please click on the “Your Greatest Concern” navigation tab above which will take you to a poll. It’s completely anonymous and very quick to complete. When you’re done, you’ll be able to see how others have responded.

Regarding the newsletter….sigh…it doesn’t actually exist just yet but I’m getting there!  If you’d like to receive it when it becomes a reality, please register so you’ll be on the list.

Have a wonderful Saturday.  It’s a snowy one here in Colorado!

May God bless and bring you peace.

Manya

Journey of Hope 2010 Conference

Sat & Sun, Feb. 27 & 28, 2010

Marriott Atlanta North Hotel, Atlanta, GA

This conference is an incredible opportunity to hear some of the Catholic Church’s most dynamic and trusted speakers talk on the issues that impact you most as a separated or divorced Catholic, all based on the foundation of finding healing in Christ.

Archbishop of Atlanta, Wilton Gregory, will celebrate mass on Sunday.

Fr. Thomas Williams, ABC/NBC analyst, theologian, and author of

Can God Be Trusted?

Spiritual Progress

and

Knowing Right From Wrong

will be the keynote speaker. Visit his website to learn more.

There will be workshops on your most requested topics:

* helping children cope

* the annulment process

* financial issues

* finding forgiveness

and more…

SPECIAL HOLIDAY OFFER

From now through Dec. 31, 2009, the registration fee will be just $187

after that date, it will be $235.

Click HERE for more info and to register.