Archive for Life
Cool Video – One Year in 120 Seconds
Posted by: | CommentsHere’s a video from youtube that I found posted on Christine Hohlbaum’s blog – The Power of Slow. Christine is author of the book by the same name (plus a little more) – The Power Of Slow: 101 Ways to Save Time In Our 24/7 World.
Anyway…she had this very cool video posted on her site. It recorded the passage of a year from the same spot. I love those pictures you see now and then that are a series of 4 photos taken from the same spot – one photo/season. This is the same thing only it’s a video.
You might wonder why I sometimes post things that have nothing to do with divorce and Catholics. Well…I take a holistic approach to life which doesn’t allow for compartmentalization…you know, that practice of putting different pieces of your life in separate compartments that are supposedly distinct from each other. That just doesn’t make sense to me. So, I throw in tidbits of “other things” now and then just for the pure joy of it. This world of ours is a beautiful and mysterious place (thank you, Lord, for the endless mysteries you’ve blessed us with. They’re the spice of life – in my opinion.)
Anyway…what it comes down to is…I want to share bits of beauty with you. When you’re experiencing separation and divorce, the world can look very bleak. I hope these “tidbits” help to remind you that the beautiful and amazing world, and it’s beautiful and amazing people, are still out there and waiting for you to rediscover them.
Enjoy!
May God bless you and bring you peace,
Manya
Christmas Can Be Painful for Divorced Catholics
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- Image via Wikipedia
Just a quick note to wish you all a very, merry Christmas. This can be a very difficult time of year for those going through separation and divorce as well as for those who have been divorced for a while but who find that this time of year can magnify feelings of loneliness and loss. And if this is the year when your spouse gets to spend Christmas day with your children….well, enough said. That’s just even harder.
I wish you all faith that grows stronger now and into the new year. For this is the key to the speediest and most complete, deep down recovery from the pain, fear and changes that are brought about by divorce. If you find that your faith is weak right now because of the divorce, please hang in there and “fake it til you make it.” This is exactly what happened to me but I kept practicing my faith and trying to pray…and my faith eventually returned stronger than ever. And I became stronger than ever as a result.
Also…I’ve highly recommended this so many times and in so many places, but please bear with me while I recommend it again….go to www.DivorcedCatholic.com and join the site (it’s free!) and then become active on the forum. It’s a great place to talk with others who understand what you’re going through and this is VERY healing. It’s quite a gift from the authors of Divorced. Catholic. Now What? – Lisa Duffy and Vince Frese. Please take advantage of it being there for you.
God bless you and your children and bring you peace!
And MERRY CHRISTMAS!!
Manya
By the way..I’ve decided to start off the year by going through the process of total consecration to Jesus through Mary. This entails daily prayers and readings for approx. 30 days (if you go through the entire process). I plan to give more info here but if you want info now, go HERE. I also purchased the book that is recommended for this, but they say it’s not necessary to have. Greg & Jennifer Willits of The Rosary Army have made all the prayers available on their site and you can even download the audio prayers to your iPod! I’ll be starting on Dec. 31st…perhaps we could go through this together. 
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Our Catholic Faith – Sex
Posted by: | CommentsPlease take 9 minutes to watch this video. It has something profound to say about our relationships with our children as well as about the Catholic view of the human body and sex. ( hint: they’re both from God and, therefore, VERY good…when God is kept in the picture!)
As Catholics, we weren’t (or shouldn’t have been) brought up to believe the human body and sex are “bad” and the source of evil and sin. Unfortunately, though, it seems that the majority of people, both Catholics and non-Catholics, are under the impression that that’s the Catholic view. Nothing could be further from the truth!
Have you read Pope John Paul II’s writings regarding sex? I haven’t, I’m sorry to say, but I HAVE read what Christopher West wrote in Theology of the Body for Beginners which is based on the writings of John Paul II. I highly recommend this book for adults and, also, young adults.
In a nutshell – Catholics believe that sex between spouses is GOOD and an integral part of marriage. Pope John Paul II even said that sex is holy! Within marriage and as a way of bonding with your spouse in the most loving way imaginable – wanting only what is best for each other and NOT using each other for lustful purposes – sex is amazing, fulfilling, good and enjoyable. Of course! It is truly giving yourself completely to another person – the person you love and have committed yourself to for life. And when that person is doing the same – loves you with all their heart, has committed his/her life to you and wants to show you that love – well, I don’t think it can get much better than that. THIS is what the Catholic faith teaches and believes!
I haven’t yet read Christopher West’s newest book, Heaven’s Song: Sexual Love As It Was Meant To Be . It covers the “‘hidden’ talks of John Paul II’s Theology of the Body.” JPII deemed these talks “too delicate to be delivered in St. Peter’s Square.” I think he was concerned that his words would be taken out of context and misunderstood, as is SO easily done with this topic – especially by the media. (see the links in my P.S. at the end of this post for a great example)
As divorced Catholics, I’d venture to guess that most of us did not experience the wonders of sexual love in our marriages as God meant it to be. If we had, I’m pretty sure that our marriages would not have fallen apart. I’m not saying that a good marriage is based primarily on a couple’s sexual relationship, but that the physical relationship is intimately connected to the emotional relationship. I pray that we will all be blessed with the chance to experience love and marriages that are truly from God. And that we all are blessed with the wisdom, patience and faith we need in order to choose wisely and live our beliefs (i.e. pursue an annulment before pursuing a relationship…keep sexual love for and within marriage…and give control to God so that this road will ultimately be easier and more joyful).
I’m afraid that I’m starting to ramble now, so I’ll stop.
God bless and bring you peace…and may the Holy Spirit guide us always.
Manya
P.S. Kind of flabbergasted by Christopher West’s ABC interview – http://tinyurl.com/CWestABCinterview
I have very mixed feelings about some of the things Christopher West said and how he said them, but it is obvious that ABC manipulated his words and, beyond that, they refer to him as a sex therapist…where did THAT come from?! Also, this interview was boiled down from being hours long to lasting only a few minutes. Of course, there will be distortion and much taken out of context. At any rate, if you get a chance to watch the interview and read the comments (post-interview) from Theology of the Body, please let me know your point of view.
Post-interview comments here http://tinyurl.com/poyza2.
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watch?v=gqRKvNX4IKU&rel=0&color1=0×6699&color2=0×54abd6&hl=en&feature=player_embedded&fs=1
Holy Week!
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- Image by TW Collins via Flickr
Wishing you a wonderful and blessed Holy Week!
What Easter/Holy Week traditions do you have? I attended the Holy Thursday service for the first time in my life last year! I plan to attend it again this year. I think afterwards, I’ll watch The Passion ( a great movie for bringing Christ’s passion to life). Friday I’ll take off from work. For years I’ve been wanting to go to the midnight mass on the eve of Easter but we just don’t manage to stay up late enough. Maybe this year…. I hear it’s beautiful.
My exhusband’s family are Russian so for the past 20 years I’ve been making Paska during Easter week. Mmmm…. His mother taught me how to make it the first Easter after we married. It doesn’t quite look like the picture here because it’s actually baked in a coffee can…so it’s tall and cylindrical. But it IS covered with icing and sprinkles. This year, my oldest daughter plans to make them. I love the passing on of traditions!
God bless all of us this week and bring us closer to Him during this, the holiest week of the year.
Manya
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"Hidden" Breaks – Healing From Painful Mistakes
Posted by: | CommentsI apologize for my long absence from posting. I mentioned a while back that my 87 year old father had fallen and hurt his leg (that was 6 weeks ago). Well, he wasn’t getting better even after some physical therapy, so he went back to the doctor this past Tuesday. They took another round of xrays and found that he’s had a broken hip for the last 6 weeks! The original xrays didn’t show a break…at least, the doctors didn’t see the break in them. Now, however, more damage has been done and it’s all too easy to see it. Sigh….very frustrating.
My poor father. There were many times over the last several weeks when I thought he had simply given up trying, which made me resentful. It hasn’t been easy to take care of my children, my business AND my parents (and myself now and then). And I wasn’t alone in taking care of them. My brother, his wife, our sister and I took turns helping out. All of that was much easier, though, when we thought Dad was working towards being able to walk again – when HE was helping, too. However, when it seemed he had given up and wasn’t interested in getting stronger, it became very difficult to help him and to not be openly angry with him. Now that I know the severe pain he must have been in, I feel very badly about all those thoughts I had!
I started out this post with the intention of simply explaining why new posts have been few and far between. But as I wrote, I realized that comparisons can be made between physical breaks, emotional breaks and the healing process.
Hidden breaks in our relationships…
For how long was the break in your marriage hidden from view? For how long did you try to go on as if everything was “normal,” maybe even working on your relationship but thinking that nothing was truly wrong (broken)? Did your gut try to warn you just how wrong things were?
It’s very much like the proverbial elephant in the room that everyone tries to ignore.
The big thing about breaks of any sort is that in order for them to heal, all parties involved need to commit to work on fixing them. In my dad’s case, he was trying to get better but the doctors weren’t doing their parts…so the exercise and walking practice that my dad was doing wasn’t helping him (it was actually causing more damage).
In the case of a broken marriage, both spouses need to be genuinely committed to healing the relationship or healing won’t take place. And more damage (emotional) can be done to both spouses when one of them truly is not trying but continues to play games, do more damage or ignores the whole situation.
My husband and I had our problems and they came on and grew worse gradually over the years. For a long time we ignored the existence of these problems. I admit that I took my marriage and my husband horribly for granted. I viewed marriage as being a lifelong commitment – for better or for worse – which made me complacent. I felt that our problems could be worked out ‘later’…at a more convenient time. Afterall, I had children to raise and that was taking all my energy and focus. I was wrong to take my husband and marriage for granted AND for putting almost all of my focus on our children. An equal or even greater focus should have been on my husband and marriage. If that relationship had been healthy and nurtured, our children would have been better served in the long run. I’m very sorry to say that I couldn’t see that at the time.
My husband, for his part, didn’t communicate his deep sadness to me. When finally it came to light, I was stunned. By then, though, it was too late. He had moved on. We eventually went through counseling (three different counselors) and even participated in a Retrouvaille weekend. All that didn’t stand a chance of helping us, though, because my husband wasn’t genuinely interested in healing our marriage. He was convinced that too much damage had been done and I’d never be able to forgive, forget and trust again. Perhaps he didn’t think that HE could forgive, forget and trust again. Perhaps he was right, but we’ll never know because an honest effort was never made by both of us together.
I did all I could to try to keep us together and that knowledge helped me to be able to move on after I realized nothing more could be done. I was fighting a losing battle. I’m sure I could have done better but the fact is, I did what I could at the time – as flawed as that might have been. I don’t have any feelings of guilt regarding that time in our lives/marriage. I DO have feelings of guilt regarding my part in leading us to that horrible break. The things I did were out of stupidity and I’ve forgiven myself for that…still, I do regret not having been more wise back then.
So how to heal after the break is recognized and acknowledged and not healed?
It takes time and work and perseverance and a willingness to experience the pain. You need to resolve yourself to work THROUGH the pain (because there will be lots of it but it will decrease over time).
My dad had surgery yesterday. The break has now been fixed and recovery lies before him. They will probably have him on his feet today, which will be difficult and painful for him. The pain will get worse before it gets better…but it won’t get better at all if he doesn’t embrace it and work right on through it – in spite of it. He will probably never again walk without a limp…that damage has been done and can’t be ignored…but he WILL walk. And that’s a glorious thing to look forward to! There’s hope and that’s everything.
It’s just the same for healing from the emotional pain of a relationship that died or was destroyed. No matter what the damage, you CAN heal from it. There will always be scars and regrets but you will learn to live with them and they will become less noticeable with time. You will also learn to ignore them. And you have hope, too. Life WILL be better and you will know happiness again.
ALL of the above healing, of course, will be made easier when you invite God into the process. Ask for His help. The very wise go beyond that, though, and ask God to LEAD through the pain and out the other side. God has been there. Remember, he became human like us. He knows what real pain is and what it feels like to experience it and get through it. Chances are that any pain we feel, physical or emotional, has been felt by God and in much greater quantities. He understands.
God bless and bring you peace,
Manya
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Valentine's Day:Theology Of The Body Message from Christopher West
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Image by karin! via Flickr
The following message comes from the TOB newsletter that I received just a few minutes ago. I highly recommend that you go to the Theology of the Body Institute to see the info there and to sign up to receive their monthly newsletters!
Redeeming Valentine’s Day
A Message From Christopher West
I once heard it said that more “legal prostitution” takes place on Valentine’s Day than any other day of the year. It was a reference to the idea that, on this insecurity-inducing day, couples around the world basically exchange chocolates, romantic dinners, diamonds, and other gifts for sex. Men and women, it seems, will go to great lengths to save themselves from the loneliness that creeps up when all the red hearts and romantic songs replace Christmas decorations and Christmas carols. It seems we all wonder at times, “Am I really loved, or do I have to buy his or her attention with something?”
This makes Valentine’s Day an annual event ripe for redemption, ripe for John Paul II’s Theology of the Body.
The fact that we set a day aside each year to celebrate romantic love points to the importance we all place on it, and rightly so. The love of man and woman is what makes the world go around. When the love of man and woman ceases, so does the human race itself. And it’s precisely because it’s so important, so valuable, that it has become so terribly distorted by the enemy. The devil is not creative. He cannot create his own parallel universe of raw evil. All he can do is take what God created to be true, good, and beautiful and twist it; distort it. This means that behind every temptation the father of lies uses to lead us away from God, we will find something that God created to lead us to him. And behind every distorted desire in our own hearts that lures us away from God, we can discover a God-given desire that will lead us to him.
So, Valentine’s Day can become, if we allow it, an opportunity to celebrate the love we all really long for, the love of Christ for the Church, of which man and woman’s love is a mere shadow. We needn’t prostitute ourselves to know we are loved. We needn’t spend lots of money. We, ourselves, have been purchased at a high price. Thank you, Lord Jesus.
Just a thought — this Valentine’s Day, share what you have learned of John Paul II’s Theology of the Body with someone who needs to hear it.
Blessings,
Christopher West
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Have a wonderful St. Valentine’s Day. It really is NOT necessary to be a part of a couple in order to do so. There are plenty of other kinds of love to experience – love of your children, your parents, your siblings, your friends. strangers who could use a smile, kind word or a hand and, last but not least, yourself!
May God bless and bring you peace!
Manya
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Merry Christmas!
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- Image via Wikipedia
The hours until Christmas are being tracked by my youngest. :0) Gotta love it.
Our tradition is to open gifts from family and friends on Christmas Eve (this is how I was brought up) and then wake up to find gifts from Santa on Christmas morning.
I’m not sure yet which Christmas mass we’ll be going to. I love the idea of midnight mass on Christmas Eve (which is actually going to be held at midnight this year! Yes, in years past, the “midnight” mass has been held at 10:30….go figure.) However, actually staying awake until then is not an easy thing for me. (I’m not a night owl this time of year.) We DID go to the “midnight” mass at least once in the recent past and we all enjoyed it immensely. The choir was amazing and, if I remember correctly, the lights were dimmed, which I just love.
Whatever YOUR tradtions are, I hope that you all have a wonderful and blessed Christmas!
Try to relax, simplify and focus on simply enjoying the company of those you love. The decorations and food don’t have to be “perfect”…that’s not what’s most important. Make memories of BEING together.
If this is the year when your children spend Christmas day with your ex-spouse, chances are that it’ll be a difficult day for you. I do hope, if that’s the case, that you’ll be spending the day with friends and extended family or, perhaps. making new friends/family by helping out at a homeless shelter or soup kitchen. Then, celebrate Christmas with your children either before or after the actual day!
If you have some great suggestions for how to spend a Christmas day away from your children, please share it with all of us by leaving a comment. That would be a lovely gift.
May God bless you and those you love!!
Merry Christmas!
Manya
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The Next Phase
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Tomorrow, my second oldest graduates from college! That just amazes me. I swear it seems like yesterday…well, okay….a couple years ago :0)….that I graduated from college. How could it possibly have been 27 years ago?! And how could I have two children at that point in their lives! (My oldest graduated last year.)
Funny how memories can remain so fresh.
I met my husband (ex-husband) in college. He was a sophomore and I was a junior. We lived on the same floor of the dorm. Yep…it was a very progressive college. I had no idea the dorms were coed until the day I moved in. I don’t know how my parents and I managed to miss that little detail…
Anyway, I think a couple months went by before he and I met. I still vividly remember the first time I saw him. I was sitting on my bed and the door to the room was open.Strangely enough, my roommate and I were having a conversation about the type of men we wanted to marry. Then he walked by and I was taken by his looks and the way he was dressed and how he was walking with purpose (he was on his way to class and probably didn’t have a second to spare). He was handsome and he wore dark brown corduroy pants with a matching vest and a brown plaid, long sleeved shirt. And he carried an umbrella! He looked rather professorial and I liked that.
We started dating a few months later and were an ‘item’ for the next couple of years. We had some rough spots in our courtship (which originated with me, truth be told) but after 5 years of dating, we married. We had originally planned to marry the year before we actually did but just 2 months before the wedding, we called it off. It simply didn’t feel ‘right’ to either of us…but we never really discussed it. So strange to not have talked about it. (and to not have acknowledged the huge red flags waving)
We continued to see each other…I dated another man briefly but was drawn back to him. We had been dating so long and we got along well and were very comfortable with each other. So we got married the next year.
I know, I know….those are not the best reasons for two people to get married. We were young and idealistic (“everything will turn out well”). Mostly, though, I believe that each of us was afraid of being alone and of starting over again in new relationships. It seemed easier in our minds to simply marry each other…
I can look back now over our years together and see clearly the part I played in the downfall of our marriage and how everything fell apart and why. Through our separation and divorce, though, I was too angry and hurt to see things clearly or to take on any blame. Time and going through the annulment process (and being honest with myself) helped to open my eyes. This is just one reason why I encourage divorced Catholics to go through the process – when they’re ready to.
So, my second oldest is starting a new phase of her life tomorrow. I’m almost envious and almost wish I could return to that time of limitless possibilities stretched out before me. But then again…I’m glad all that is behind me. I’m enjoying THIS phase of my life and the results of all the growth I’ve done over the years and all the experiences I’ve had. There was good and there was bad but each went into making me who I am today. I”m definitely older, wiser and more confident. I have regrets – most definitely – but I”m happy.
I wish a wonderful, exciting, interesting, happy, fulfilling life to my daughter. I pray that she is wiser at her age than her mother and father were. And I pray that she never experiences a failed marriage. (Actually, she’s already experienced a failed marriage, as have all my children. So, I pray that they never experience the failure of another marriage – their own.)
Whatever comes her way, though, and whatever results from decisions she and those she loves makes – I know everything WILL turn out well…
May God bless you and those you love with the very best of Christmases and may He help you to make the new year an amazing one!
Manya
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Giving Thanks for Unpaid Bills (and Other Acts of Kindness)
Posted by: | CommentsHi there! I apologize for not having posted for almost a month….man the time passes quickly. Life becomes incredibly hectic in the fall for some reason. I can’t quite figure out why.
I hope you’ve all had a wonderful Thanksgiving. Today’s post was written by a good friend of mine – Jennifer Ryan of I Choose Change. Her message is an important one and, when taken to heart, will change YOUR life. Wise, wise words….enjoy!
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Giving Thanks for Unpaid Bills (and Other Acts of Kindness)
It’s only fitting that in this week of Thanksgiving, we talk about giving thanks and having gratitude. While some may view this week as chaotic, stressful, and anxious-ridden with extended family, my hope for you is that you give thanks for the abundance, prosperity, peace, and joy in your life.
Giving thanks really means being thankful for the gifts you have in your life. If you don’t already view the things in your life as a gift, try shifting your focus from what you DON’T have to what you DO have. You can even do this in the midst of chaos and when your life is feeling particularly stressful. Even mounting bills are things to be thankful for. The vendors behind those bills have provided a lifestyle for you that you wouldn’t otherwise have had. Your bills are a gift. That’s an example of a true shift in focus.
As soon as you start feeling grateful and happy about the things you have, you will start to attract and have more blessings in your life.
Everybody goes through things they don’t like and times that are hard, but it’s those who remain grateful and thankful for what they DO have, who have true joy, peace, and abundance in their lives. Start to see EVERYTHING as the gift that it is.
There is a distinction to be made between happiness and gratitude. They are not the same, although we sometimes use them interchangeably. To be grateful means giving thanks for something that’s been given as a gift. It can be a person in our life that was giving, or nature, or God. It was such a surprise to me this time last year as I pulled up to the window of Starbucks for my traditional “Non-fat, Peppermint, No-whip Caffe Mocha” (I recommend the drink wholeheartedly!), the car in front of me had paid for my drink! I tried to get a glimpse of them, but I didn’t catch them in time and they sped away. The person working in the window said, “They told me to tell you Happy Holidays!” It was such a treat. I felt grateful for the gift of not only the drink, but the thoughtfulness.
Contrary to feeling grateful, happiness would be something one just feels good about. You can be happy that it’s sunny outside, or grateful that the sunshine has been provided (the gift of sunshine!). You can be happy to have an extra $100 in the bank, but grateful that the extra money has been given as a gift. You get the point.
Having gratitude means being content. Being thankful and grateful leads to more contentment. Conversely, continually wanting more and more external things leads to the feeling of emptiness and unhappiness. It is human to want more, but that does not keep you from growing and evolving; it’s easy to get trapped by the feeling of not having enough in your life. To be content, get out of the rut of wanting more, more, more, and just experience that right now, in this moment, you are satisfied and content.
Research shows that “daily gratitude exercises resulted in higher reported levels of alertness, enthusiasm, determinism, optimism, and energy.” According to Michael McCullough of Southern Methodist University, “Anyone can increase their sense of well-being and create positive social effects just by counting their blessings.”
So for this week, give thanks, have gratitude, and experience the overwhelming abundance, peace, and joy pouring into your life.
© 2008 I Choose Change
WANT TO USE THIS ARTICLE IN YOUR EZINE OR WEB SITE? No problem, as long as you include the following blurb at the conclusion of the article: I Choose Change Counselors are helping you live according to your Spiritual Core Self. If you’re interested in having a more fulfilled, balanced, and purposeful personal and professional life, get your FREE information now at http://www.ichoosechange.com.
Dating After Divorce – Giving Up Control Part 2
Posted by: | CommentsI have a very special story to share with you that a friend recently shared with me. I hope you find it as inspiring and motivating as I did.
My husband left me in 1993, and it wasn’t until 1995 that I initiated the annulment process. During those first years of divorce, I dated and had one relationship which I regret, not only because I was betraying my vows and offending God, but also because it was not a healthy relationship and it only made my pain of divorce worse.
In 1997, I received a declaration of nullity and had also undergone a major rejuvenation of my faith and dedication to Christ. I felt I was finally in the right place to begin dating and seeking a new spouse. But I became terribly disappointed with dating. The only Catholic men I was meeting were young men who had never been married, or guys who were close to my age (late 30’s) who were either divorced, not Catholic, or Catholic “but not really.” I began to lose hope in finding anyone who would be right to marry. Then, I began to doubt that getting married again was part of God’s plan for me.
During my first marriage, I had suffered 3 miscarriages, one at about 20 weeks along. The doctors detected the problem and I had major surgery to fix it, but was told afterwards that although I could now carry children, the surgery had rendered me sterile and my chances of conceiving were less than 1%. This happened just shortly before my husband left. So I began to wonder if God had never intended for me to be married in the first place…?
Divorced, no chance of having children… was God trying to tell me something? That’s when a thought occurred to me. Maybe I was supposed to be a nun this whole time!
The men and women who consecrate themselves to Christ alone and live their days in total service to Him are people I admire immensely. However, I have never felt called to be a nun or consecrated woman. This tiny doubt, though, began a long period of arguing with God. I didn’t want to let go of my dream of being a wife and mother, but every time I thought of that dream, the image of a nun tapped me on the shoulder. I still dated during this time and, yet, only became more miserable.
One day, I was in my car stopped at a red traffic light. A family was crossing the cross-walk in front of me; a mom pushing a stroller and a dad with their child on his shoulders. I thought it was a beautiful sight. But, of course, the thoughts of being a nun came crashing through and I immediately pushed them away for the billionth time – with anger and frustration.
Suddenly, everything became very quiet; outside, but especially inside. It was like Jesus telling the stormy seas to calm. Then, my heart heard a very gentle, unmistakable voice which said, “Why won’t you give me this part of your life?” I knew it was Christ speaking to me and I could not deny Him. I knew He wanted me to loosen the vice grip I had on my dream of marriage and motherhood and let Him take care of my life. The encounter I had with Christ at that moment brought me to tears and changed me.
The next morning I went to mass before work. I am a visual person and so, during the consecration, I imagined my wedding dress thrown over the altar and lifted up with the paten, just so I could drive the point home to myself that I was going to let God handle my life from now on. The only mistake I was making here, was that I thought this meant I was going to be a nun. So I committed myself to going down that path even though I didn’t want to. I went on a retreat with a community of consecrated ladies in Rhode Island and I had an appointment set up with the Carmelite convent in New Haven, CT. to meet with the Mother Superior.
HOWEVER, two weeks after that special mass offering, the man who is now my incredible husband, Jim, walked into my place of employment. When I was introduced to him as a new co-worker, I didn’t think anything of it, but he said he knew almost right away that he would marry me. Jim had been in the seminary studying for the priesthood for 10 years previous to this. When he and his spiritual director came to the conclusion that he was not meant to be a priest, he experienced his own type of divorce.
He was in for a long haul if he wanted to date me, because I was convinced at that point that I was supposed to be a nun or consecrated woman! In the 7 months we worked together, we went from me not liking him very much at all , to the two of us becoming comfortable as co-workers, then to striking up a friendship and, finally, to me realizing that he was the one God had picked for me! And knowing he was THE one became as clear to me as that earlier message that I had to give God control of my dream.
None of this “giving up control to God” is easy for anyone. It takes a “supernatural attitude” that the world seems to tell us is nonsense. I know Jim is the one God meant for me and that God brought us together. The day we married was like night and day in comparison to my first marriage. When we took our vows, I had NO reservations, NO doubts. I was filled with joy.
I was obviously mistaken in thinking that God was asking me to become a nun. He simply wanted me to trust Him with that very important part of my life – my dreams for myself and my future. I had prayed for years that God would bring me a man who would not make fun of me for practicing my faith and that I alone would be good enough for him (no other women involved). When I finally gave my hopes and dreams to God, He gave me so much more than I ever could have asked for…
We now have 3 beautiful children, ages 4, 5 and 7, despite the conclusion of the doctors that I would never be able to conceive. Jim is a great father and wonderful husband who loves me and me alone. I could not have picked anyone better, which is why I’m so glad I let God pick him for me.
My point is to simply say:
- Trust God.
- Give Him the relationship(s) that have ended.
- Give Him your sorrow and loneliness.
- Grant Him access to your dream for happiness in the future and give Him full control.
He will not disappoint you!!
That story from a woman of great faith who has experienced the hell of divorce and came through a painful learning process to finally experience the amazing results of giving up her free will to God – is SO helpful. (sorry for the extra long sentence)
By the way, that’s Lisa Duffy’s story – one of the authors of Divorced. Catholic. Now What? - a book I HIGHLY recommend.
If you have a similar story or know of someone who does, please share it with us! If it’s not your own story, of course please ask permission first. I’ll be thrilled to put it in a future post.
Until next time…May God bless you and those you love.
Manya
