Divorced Catholic Moms » Life

Dressing Properly for Church – Teenage Girls :0/

Manya — Mon, 21 Nov 2011 16:42:37 +0000

Yes, this is an issue in our house. It wasn’t with my two oldest girls but it is with my youngest, who is now 16. As a friend who was a high school teacher for many years points out to me, my daughter views modesty (and lack thereof) very differently from how I view it. Soooo….as her parent, it’s my job to teach my daughter what is and isn’t modest…and what is and isn’t appropriate for any given situation. And I have. Many times. And I will. Many times more. I’m sure.

This article came to me via email this morning, which prompted this post. If you have teenage daughters, I encourage you to read it.

How is it that some of us parents have come to the point of feeling like we can’t tell our kids “no”….? Of course, very few of us like conflict, especially with our kids….but sometimes there’s no getting around it. Our first and most important “job” is to raise our children to know God and to know right from wrong. It’s our right and DUTY to say “No” to our children when they make inappropriate choices.

Of course, there’s a kind and loving way to say ‘no’, while instructing at the same time…and there’s an “I have spoken” way of saying ‘no.’ Hopefully, the kind, loving, instructional way is used first…and will suffice. If not, then don’t hesitate to resort to the old time tested version of “no” (which we all heard when WE were teens)….”Because I’m your mother and I said so.”

By the way, here’s an article on how to speak with an angry teenager that I also think is helpful.

Good luck!

May God bless you and bring you peace.
Manya

How to Cope When Your World is Torn Apart

Manya — Thu, 13 Oct 2011 16:33:54 +0000

Wow…it’s been a long time since I last wrote. I apologize for that.

I received a message recently from a reader that prompted me to come here to leave a post about what helped me through the hell that is divorce. I’ve written about this before here and here, but it bears repeating…and maybe something different will come through this time.

How do you cope…get through today…tomorrow…and all the days following…when your world has been torn apart by the one person you should have been able to depend upon to protect you and keep you from such pain? It’s a betrayal that hurts like no other. On top of that, it changes everything about your future…and it hurts your children. How do you cope with all of THAT…and continue to do all the things you need to do each day….and help your children to cope, too?

Yes, it seems an impossible task but it isn’t. I can say that with certainty because I’ve been there. No, the circumstances of my divorce and life are not the same as yours…..and I can’t say exactly what will help YOU to cope…all I can do is tell you what helped me during those very dark days and hope that something in my list will help you.

St. John’s Wort – I hear it doesn’t work for everyone but it was amazing in my case. I started taking them when I hit bottom and truly felt that I was sinking into depression. I didn’t want to take drugs if I could avoid them, so I tried St. John’s Wort first. Gradually, as I was feeling better about life and moving past the actual divorce proceedings, I cut down on how much I was taking, a little at a time. If I was still feeling strong after cutting back…then I’d cut back a little more. Sometimes, though, I hit rough patches and increased the amount I took again to get me through it. Eventually, I was able to stop taking it altogether. My children also took St. John’s Wort when they needed it. Note, though, that it takes a few weeks to build up in your system and truly start to make a difference, so if you decide to try it…give it a chance to get to that point. Disclaimer: This is simply what worked for me. Take your own body and health into consideration before deciding if this might be good for you..or not good for you. I don’t know if St. John’s Wort might be dangerous in certain situations or not…

Exercise regularly – again, the effect this had on my mental state was AMAZING. To say nothing of the physical health benefits. I was fortunate to be able to go to the gym each morning at that time. I’d stay for almost 2 hours most of the time…getting in some aerobic exercise on the treadmills and such…then some weight lifting…then, when I had time, a swim and sauna. By the end of that, even if I’d been terribly down when I walked into the gym and had to force myself to go, I was actually feeling upbeat and hopeful! It stunned me time and again.
Exercise DVDs are also pretty awesome. My favorite is Leslie Sansone and her walking DVDs. I work at a computer all day every day and popping a DVD into it and completing one of her 15, 20 or 30 minute routines is about as practical and efficient as it gets!
Eat well – get the best nutrition you can. Like exercise, it will help! Our bodies and our minds are connected..what affects one will affect the other. I didn’t know about her at the time I was going through hell, but I highly recommend The Green Smoothie Girl. Green smoothies take some getting used to but they’re very powerful nutrition. She also has a 12 month program to lead you to eating more whole foods (and get away from processed foods) that I love. I haven’t yet completed it, simply because I get lazy, but, in my opinion, it’s a great program and her blog is a good place to go to learn about good nutrition.
Pamper yourself – with little things on a regular basis. I would buy myself a bar of soap at Crabtree & Evelyn or a special chocolate bar from Germany. Little extravagances that made me feel good. Priceless.
Grieve – yes, allow yourself to grieve. This is important. Don’t try to pretend that you don’t need to. Don’t tell yourself that you’ll be stronger if you don’t give in and cry. Don’t even tell yourself that your children should never see you grieving. I don’t think it’d be a good idea to grieve a lot or regularly in front of your children…but I think it might actually be a good thing for them to know that Mom is sad and in pain over the separation and divorce and it’s okay to cry and be upset. I remember wearing sunglasses almost all the time for a while because it seemed I was constantly tearing up. The slightest thing would get me going and I could hide it fairly well behind sunglasses. I caution you, though, to not go to the other extreme and allow yourself to wallow in grief. This would not be good for anyone. Be human but don’t be a victim. Some find it useful to give themselves a time limit and actually schedule times during which they grieve.
Pray – even if you’re angry with God. I was very angry with God for what felt like a long time. I felt betrayed by Him, too, because here I was praying and praying for my marriage to be healed and things only got worse. Didn’t He want my marriage to stay intact?! Where was He?!!! I reached a point where I actually did stop praying…it felt useless. Now, though, I can see that He was there all along with us but He wasn’t doing what I wanted Him to do. He wasn’t answering the prayers I was praying. I should have been praying differently. Instead of asking him to change my husband (remember that “free will” stuff? I was asking God to cast that aside where my husband was concerned.). I should have been asking Him for strength..wisdom…understanding…perseverance…hope….patience. In short, I should have been asking Him to help me to cope with the circumstances as they were. I also should have been working at turning all control over to God and asking Him to help me to do that. Don’t forget to ask for help specifically from the Holy Spirit, too. Also, continue to practice your faith (i.e. go to mass and confession…go to adoration if it’s available to you). I just went through the motions here for over a year (it was probably more like 3 years). I did this because I had young children and I didn’t want to damage their faith. Lo and behold…after simply going thru the motions, my faith eventually returned to me full force..and then some.
Support system – I hope you have a good support system of close friends and family. If you do, please take them up on their offers to help. They WANT to help and you NEED their help. You’re not imposing on them when you say yes to their bringing dinner over…or taking you out…or letting them babysit while you get away for a while…or you let them listen to you vent (time and again). And don’t hesitate to ask for their help. Don’t get carried away with this, of course, but don’t go to the other extreme of saying, “No thank you” or “I’m fine…I can handle it” all the time, either. We need to let others help us through these challenges in life…and, in turn, to help others when they’re going through their challenges.
Live someone else’s life for a little while, through movies and books. Watch movies that make you feel good. Sometimes watch movies that make you cry- it’s a great way to give yourself permission to cry. Read books (I love to listen to books when I exercise).

That’s my list…what is yours? Let us know what really helps you. It might be something that will help someone else.

May God bless you and bring you peace.

Manya

Tobias – The Magazine for Single Catholic Living

Manya — Thu, 05 May 2011 04:41:21 +0000

Have you ever seen the magazine called Tobias? It’s written for single Catholics! Of any age!! I just received the spring issue in the mail and here are the titles of the feature articles:

Dating a Catholic Single Parent
Flower Power – how to pick the perfect arrangement for your special someone
Changing Gears – Jon lost 77 lbs and returned to the seminary; Ann survived a brutal attack and quit her stressful job
Table for One – there are more options than Lean Cuisine and Taco Bell!
The Dark Night of Depression
Kneading & Praying – Try out Fr. Garramone’s legendary pizza crust
Surviving a Silent Retreat
The Guys Behind the Confession App
The Perfect Catch – Joe Mauer is single, Catholic and a future Hall of Famer
It Was a Great Ride – summer vacation brought this single Catholic to Iowa’s rolling hills.

There are also “Departments” which are, I believe, the regularly scheduled articles. Among these is one called “Courageous Catholics.” (Here comes a shameless plug…) I’m there! I’m very honored to have been asked to be interviewed for this issue. And I don’t know what else to say about that…I’m feeling a little shy suddenly.

Anyway…this is a really good magazine that I highly recommend you take a look at. I “think” that members at CatholicMatch.com can sign up for a free issue, but don’t quote me on that. You might check it out, though.

I’m SO glad that there seem to be more and more resources for single Catholics popping up lately. These are exciting times! If you’ve come across any, PLEASE let us know either by sending me a message or by leaving a comment.

May God bless and bring us peace.

Manya

What God Offers – from DivorcedCatholic.org

Manya — Tue, 05 Apr 2011 16:30:16 +0000

I love the daily messages that are sent out by www.DivorcedCatholic.org. I’ve shared them with you before and wanted to share today’s with you, too.

What God is Offering

An excerpt:

Have you ever noticed that the pleasure the world provides is far less valuable than what God has created? You might have 350 cable channels and can’t find anything to watch, but you can go to the ocean and sit for hours watching the sea or go to the mountains and hike for days. It’s so interesting how you can chase after the things of this world when so much of God’s goodness is right in front of your eyes, free for the taking and specifically given for your enjoyment.

It is the same with human relationships….

Please do read the whole message. It’s a good one.

Lord, please help us to find your peace.

Manya

Courage

Manya — Mon, 04 Apr 2011 15:11:24 +0000

We’re half way through Lent! I hope it’s going well for you and good lessons are being learned, strength being gained and blessings realized….and courage being gained.

I came across this article about Stanislawa Leczynska – midwife at Auschwitz. It is, of course, difficult to read of the horrors she and others experienced, but it’s also inspiring. I encourage you to read it. This woman will most probably be declared a saint one day.

I wonder if, under similar circumstances, I would be able to work as hard and be as brave. I pray that I would…and that we all would.

We don’t hear stories like this often enough but I’ll bet they take place daily all over the world, by people of every faith…and even of no faith. If/when you come across one, please share it by leaving a comment here.

God please bring us peace…and courage.

Manya

Try Fasting – Part 2

Manya — Wed, 16 Mar 2011 14:12:18 +0000

I didn’t intend for there to be a “part 2″ but another article about fasting came in my email today, and it’s compelling, too.

Until Abortion Ends, Discovering the Power of Fasting

This article is about giving up one thing you love – until abortion ends. As Archbishop Fulton Sheen said,“prayer united to sacrifice is the most powerful force on earth.” That’s the impetus behind this…if each of us would not only pray for an end to abortion but also add a sacrifice to our prayers, we could bring abortion to an end so much sooner.

Can’t imagine giving up something you love for what will possibly be years? Then start smaller…give up something you love for Lent and do it in the name of ending abortion – or any other cause that is important to you. Marriage comes to mind…or for the strength and courage to get through the agony of divorce…or for the people of Japan….or for…?

The list is endless.

May God bring us peace.

Manya

Our Priests – Love Them Like Brothers

Manya — Sun, 20 Feb 2011 15:38:22 +0000

Our priests are awesome. Just think about it…think about what they’ve given up in their lives so that they can be there for US…to focus on helping US to heaven!!

Being a priest is not an easy vocation, especially in this age of scandal. The vast majority of priests are good, holy and loving men who take their vocations, faith and responsibilities seriously. Those priests who did not live up to their faith have cast a shadow of doubt over all priests. This, of course, makes their lives so much more difficult.

Read the article Love Him Like a Brother to get some insight and tips on how to help the priests in your parish. They deserve our love and devotion.

Enjoy your Sunday. Remember it’s supposed to be a day of rest…focus on your family, friends, yourself and God. Take the day off from the regular day-to-day cares and chores. This is another bit of profound wisdom straight from God (and the Catholic church!). It’s good for you.

God grant us peace.

Manya

Quote of the Day

Manya — Thu, 17 Feb 2011 17:22:53 +0000

A diamond is merely a lump of coal that did well under pressure.

~ Henry Kissinger (?)

Today’s quote was left on facebook by my sister. I love it! It’s brilliant! And, it describes YOU!

You WILL do well under the pressure of separation, divorce and all that comes to you in life. Let your brilliance shine. And thank God for the hope and strength He is so willing to give to you and that can come only from Him.

May God bless and bring us all peace.

Manya

Life Goes On

Manya — Mon, 26 Jul 2010 22:08:24 +0000

My apologies for neglecting to add new posts, articles, links, etc. more often. I know you understand
that there are few’extra’ hours in the day when you’re a single mom. This has been a challenge since I started this blog (hard to believe that was 2 years ago!). At any rate…my intentions are good and I’d LIKE to spend more time here…I hope that the thought counts.

My mother. 1922 - 2010

The reason I’m writing this particular post is to let you know that my family has had a sad loss recently. My mother died one week ago today. She was 88. She is missed by my dad (who is 89…they were married for 68 years!!!), 5 of their 6 children (one of my sisters died of cancer over 20 years ago and I’m sure she’s delighted to be with Mom again ), and over 50 grandchildren and great grandchildren!!

A testament to my mom was the fact that over 20 of her grandchildren came from far and wide to be at her funeral. That surprised and delighted me…and made for one very full house for most of last week…and happily so. It was the perfect example of that old saying, “When God closes a door, somewhere he opens a window.” What I mean is…as sad as it was to lose my mother, it was wonderful to spend time with my siblings and their children…and their children’s children. As a result, we’re now planning a family reunion!

If you would…I ask that you keep my parents in your prayers. My father is doing better than I ever imagined he would but, of course, after over 68 years together, he misses my mother terribly.

God bless you and bring you peace.

Manya

Journey of Hope Radio!!!

Manya — Tue, 22 Jun 2010 20:47:14 +0000

Now THIS is exciting. I just found out about it and ran on over here to tell you.

We are pleased to announce the Journey of Hope Radio show on BlogTalkRadio.Com beginning Wednesday, June 30th, 2010 at 9:00AM EST!

There is a great need for an ongoing discussion regarding the challenges divorced Catholic men and women face, and through this program we hope to engage our distinguished guests and listeners in an informative and supportive conversation. Our goal is to provide you with accurate information and support as you deal with the process and aftermath of divorce.

Our first guest will be Fr. Thomas Williams, LC, back by popular demand from his appearance as Keynote Speaker at the Journey of Hope 2010 Conference last February. Fr. Thomas, Vince, and I will be eager to take your calls! The call-in number for the show is 1(347)989-1231.

Perhaps the best part about the show is that it is recorded, so if you are unable to listen live you can always visit our show page at http://www.blogtalkradio.com/journeyofhoperadio and listen to the recorded podcast!

We ask for your prayers for the success of the program and look forward to taking your calls on June 30th at 9:00am EST!

Sincerely,
Lisa Duffy, DivorcedCatholic.Org

Be sure to put this on your calendar and listen. It’s going to be good! Actually, go to the blog talk radio link and you can have them send you a reminder in any of four different ways! Too cool. Also, remember that if you can’t listen live, you can access the recording afterwards.

May God bless and bring you peace,
Manya