If you’re currently struggling with divorce, it’s guaranteed that you have a significant amount of stress in your life! (that’s quite an understatement, I know)

If the divorce is behind you, I can guarantee that there’s a fluctuating amount of stress in your life because you’re a single parent!

We all know that stress is not a good thing to live with. It can make a person a nervous wreck at home and at work and everywhere in between. It keeps your from thinking straight (that can be hazardous for a single parent), keeps your kids on edge (definitely not good), and definitely keeps everyone from being happy (”If Mama ain’t happy, ain’t nobody happy!”) So, now that we agree that stress needs to be controlled and REDUCED…just how is that done?!

Here’s my list of stress reducers. Perhaps some of them would work for you, too.

1. Exercise!

It absolutely amazes me how I can be feeling so stressed out and worn out (emotionally) that I have to force myself to get out the door but after exercising, my whole attitude is changed and I have energy to get through the day. Thank you, Lord, for making our bodies work this way. It’s one of those “small” miracles that we take for granted or don’t quite believe so don’t take advantage of when we should. Recently a single dad told me that he exercises several times a week not only to stay healthy physically but to keep his stress levels down so that he can give the best part of himself to his kids – they deserve more than the “leftovers.”

2. Prayer (of course)

I drive my kids to school each morning. It’s a 15 minute drive each way (when the weather is good). On my way home, I say a rosary. All I can say is that days on which I do this, “life” goes better. I admit that on weekends and holidays (when I don’t drive to school), I usually don’t take the time to say a rosary. It usually doesn’t even occur to me to do so. And after several days of neglecting this, “life” somehow doesn’t go along quite as smoothly.

3. Small Treats

A chocolate bar made in Germany….scented soap from Crabtree & Evelyn…flowers…a cup of chai or signature hot chocolate at Starbucks…a walk in the middle of the day…lunch or tea with a dear friend…retreating to my favorite chair with a wonderful blanket and a book (or two). You get the idea. These are not big things but they make me feel good. :0) And I’m not talking about special treats every day but definitely regulary. You deserve it. You know best what makes you feel really nice so give it to yourself now and then. It’s a small “retreat.” Hey, taking time to exercise is also a treat!

4. Read a Good Book

Escape into someone else’s life for a while. :0) Or, read something inspirational or motivational. Each of those is good in its own way. I actually have a stack of books next to my favorite chair (okay, they’re on the ottoman of my favorite chair and if my kids left their books like that I’d get after them to put them away…I’m going to have to do something about that.) Since Christmas I’ve tried to make at least a little time at the end of the day to sit and read a bit of a couple of them. Right now, though, mostly I’m spending time reading a book my daughter recommended and I’m
thoroughly enjoying it. I’ll post the name of it later because I can’t remember it and the book is upstairs. (lazy lazy lazy)

5. Watch a Movie

I watch very little tv (I DO love Monk, though) but I LOVE to watch movies 2 or 3 times/week. Either by myself (if the kids are at their dad’s) or with my kids (always fun).

Some of my favorites:

A Knight’s Tale (bizarre but if you stick with it, it’s a great story with a wonderful moral. One or two scenes you may not want your children to watch)

You’ve Got Mail (chick flick love story…live vicariously lol)

While You Were Sleeping (more chick flick love story stuff)

Cool Runnings (funny! About the Jamaican olympic bobsled team and based on a true story)

The Bourne Movies (action)

The “Oceans” movies (I have to watch these very closely to even have a hope of understanding all that’s going on.)

Indiana Jones (especially the one with Sean Connery as his father – action AND humor.)

Kung Fu Panda (hilarious)

Horton Hears a Who (also hilarious…my 18 and 21 year olds did not especially want to watch this but they were practically on the floor laughing. Same thing with Kung Fu Panda)

Ghost Town (parts may make you cringe but try to get past it..very funny and the parts that made me cringe were resolved)

The Trouble With Angels – an oldy that’s still SO good.

I’ll add to this list as I remember the ones I really like…

6. A Cup of Chai

This is a treat I give myself EVERY morning. It’s kind of high in calories, which is why it’s a treat. It’s also a bit pricey so you can imagine how excited I was when Costco started carrying these huge cans of Chamba Chai! I think I embarrassed my daughter when I squealed and did a little dance right there in the aisle. lol Anyway, it starts the day out on the right foot for me. Something to look forward to at the beginning of each and every day. :0) (in my opinion, the simple pleasures are the best!)

What are stress reducers for you?? Please share with us so we can all get some new ideas to try out.

May God bless you and bring you peace.

Manya

Just a short post today. Please check out this new ad from CatholicVote .

If you’re wondering about the title of this post, it seems that CatholicVote.com has changed its url to CatholicVote.org AND to ChristianVote.org. They want to be sure that people don’t think their site is only for Catholics.

They’re the ones who came up with this ad and it’ll be shown throughout tomorrow – inauguration day!

May God bless you and bring you peace,
Manya

Coming Next Week!

A FREE, open conference call for all of the readers of the DivorcedCatholic.com newsletter and all the readers of DivorcedCatholicMoms.com blog!  And, of course, all the friends to whom the information is forwarded!

The topic is,

The 5 Keys to Healing.

This will be an opportunity for you to learn valuable tools to help you heal, as well as a chance to ask your questions. Don’t miss this opportunity to speak to the authors of Divorced. Catholic. Now What? and yours truly.  Yep, I’ve been invited to join them!  And, yep, I’m a bit nervous…

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When: Tues., Jan. 20, 2009
8:30pm EST (6:30pm MST, 5:30pm PST)

To register for this free call, please send an email to
newsletter@divorcedcatholic.com

and type “REGISTER” in the subject line.

You will then receive a reply with the call in information.

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I hope you’ll be there!

It’ll be a great way to start the new year…

This post is not so much about being a divorced Catholic woman or mom as it is about being a US citizen and human being who believes in the sanctity of life.
Please read the post at Happy Catholic and then storm heaven with your prayers and your representatives with your pleas to not allow the passage of FOCA.

God bless us, everyone, and bring us peace.

Manya

UPDATE:  According to a post on the American Papist blog, there’s an error in the FOCA novena info.  FOCA is not scheduled to be voted on or signed around January 21-22 or anytime in the foreseeable future. The bill doesn’t have the needed votes.  It seems that while this FOCA novena has been spreading like wild fire via the internet, no one is sure where it originated.  See here for some info. I’d remove this post all together except that we DO need to pray in order to keep FOCA from being passed at some point in the future.  So, I’ll leave it…

It dawned on me that I’ve sorely neglected the “moms” part of this blog. I apologize for that and will start right now to correct that problem.

I have a confession to make, that will not come as a shock, I’m sure. Even though my faith is very important to me and I want my children to be “well formed” in their faith so they’ll have it for support throughout their lives and, hopefully, not fall away from it…in recent years, I’ve horribly neglected making religious education a priority in their lives.

During my marriage, I taught my children at home. At that time, it was easy to make sure we took time each day to learn something about Catholicism.  It was simply a part of the school day.

Now here’s my excuse…

After my divorce, life as we knew it was tossed up in the air and it took a few years for all the pieces to fall back down and into new places again where they fit. I’m sure you can relate to that!  Suddenly I had to focus on being a student myself again and getting a job and dealing with the horrors of the divorce itself and getting the kids into traditional schools and helping the kids through all the horror they were experiencing and helping myself through it, too.  Yes, religion should have been firmly ensconced at the top of each day’s list.  It should have had THE most important place during that transition, turmoil and sadness.  But, I’m sorry to say, it didn’t.  And now my children (and I) are paying the price.

My oldest child got the benefit of experiencing the most years of being a part of a whole family as well as the most years of being taught at home and, therefore, the most religious education. Her faith is solid and I thank God for that blessing.  My other children were not as fortunate and their faith has suffered.  And, yes, that’s completely my fault.  Now I’m going to work as hard as I can to show them the magnificence of God and of their faith.

But, nothing is impossible with God!

I never stopped practicing the Catholic faith with my children. We always went to mass on Sundays and holy days and went to confession at least once/year.  But that’s not enough if you want your children to KNOW their faith and FEEL it.

Over the years, I’ve done some searching for religious curriculum that worked well for us. I’m sorry to say that I’ve not yet found one that I’d recommend whole heartedly.  Our faith is so beautiful and rich and interesting…but the materials available for teaching that are very hard to find.  For the most part, I’ve been disappointed by the language used – either it spoke down to the child or it was too difficult to understand.  Either way, the lessons ended up being boring and lifeless.  Now I admit that the teacher has an enormous amount to do with whether a subject is interesting or not…so I take responsibility for that failing, too.  Still…the time to seek out bits and pieces of materials and to put them together into a really good curriculum just wasn’t there for me.  (excuse #2!)

So, I’m now back to the search and I’m newly motivated to do right by my children and by God. As I find online sites or books or any other materials that I can recommend, I’ll let you know!   Also, PLEASE, if you have anything that’s worked well for you, let me know!!  You can either send me an email at manya817@comcast.net or leave a comment here on the blog.

Here’s my first recommendation:

This morning I  stumbled upon a site I’d not been to before – Coming Home Catholic. I was looking for a list of the precepts of the church and this site had a very straightforward yet interesting explanation of them.  So, I looked around at other parts of the site and found some other well written material and good tips.  The site actually motivated me to get serious about boldly practicing faith in our home.  For instance, they recommend keeping a candle on the table to be lit during dinner each night and to have the color of that candle coincide with the current color of the liturgical year!  I think that’s brilliant.  :0)   Everyone likes eating with a candle lit on the table, don’t they?  This is a pleasant and subtle yet constant reminder of our faith.  I love it!  Their site even tells you what color you should be using on any given day.

Now, I also need to admit that family dinners at our house have fallen by the wayside…but that’s going to change and the change started today. We all sat down together and after we were done, we said one decade of the rosary together!  No, not everyone was thrilled with these changes, but that’s okay.  If I keep it up with gentle firmness…I think they’ll adapt.  :0)

I’m so hoping that I hear from you. Let me know YOUR experiences and YOUR recommendations.

May God bless you and bring you peace.  (I even got that blessing from their site.  They bless their children each night with this.  Beauty in simplicity…)

Manya

Happy New Year! I hope your Christmas and New Year celebrations were wonderful.  And if they weren’t what  you had hoped they’d be, remember that there’s always next year.  And the time between now and then is filled with possibilities.

Hope….

That’s what makes people celebrate on New Year’s Eve…last year is coming to an end and now we have a brand new, “never been used before” year just waiting for us to experience it…and MAKE it! MAKE it an amazing year for you and your children.  Be proactive.

What is it that you would most like to happen in the coming year?

• Get a job?
• Get a better job?
• Move?
• Make friends?
• Be in a relationship?
• Have the divorce come to an end!
• Start the annulment process?
• FINISH the annulment process?
• Learn to trust God again..
• Learn to trust people again
• Better home situation for your children
• Better school situation for them
• Religious education for your children
• This is an endless list…..

The good news is that any and all of that IS possible…THIS year!

The trick is in taking one step at a time. When we focus on the big picture…the final goal…it can seem too far out of our reach and then we get overwhelmed or lose heart and get stuck right where we are…not seeing the point in taking even one step towards the goal.  Don’t let this happen to YOU!

Make a list of your goals for this year. Maybe keep it to a list of 5 things that are most important to you.  Actually write those things down.  And, also, be reasonable.  No putting on there that you want to go to the moon in 2009!

Now, look at the first thing on your list. What will it take to make that happen?  For example – is it “Get a better job”…?  If so, then decide exactly what you mean by that.  WHAT is a better job?  Who gets hired for a job like that?  Do you need some specific experience or education for that job?  Find out what it is and then find out where you can get that experience or education.

When you get to this point, you’ve already taken several steps towards your goal! Now, keep going!!

The important thing here is to keep taking those small steps.

Working toward a goal is rarely a simple or easy process. However, focusing on one step at a time  WILL get you there and probably much more quickly than you think.  It’s an absolute certainty that if you don’t start taking steps, you will stay right where you are.

I wish you all the best in 2009.  Mostly, I wish you HOPE.

Warmly,

Manya

P.S. Don’t forget about the open conference call being offered by the authors of Divorced. Catholic. Now What? on Jan. 20th.  You don’t want to miss this!