Yesterday’s show topic was about dating and intimacy after divorce. This is a HUGE “issue” for us…

• Is dating okay after divorce and without having received a Declaration of Nullity?
  
• Is dating okay during separation?
  
• How about intimacy? The world tells us to be intimate with someone as soon as possible as a way of healing your hurt psyche and “get on with life.”
  

But IS that the best way to go?!

What about our faith?

Do I now have to be alone and celibate for the rest of my life???

But my spouse chose to throw our marriage away and divorce me…why should I be punished for that????

Yep…been there done that…and I didn’t have Lisa Duffy and Vince Frese of Divorced Catholic to help me to answer those tough questions…but YOU do!

Just click on the Blog Talk Radio box in the left column of this page and you can then click on the episode you’d like to listen to. And try to listen to the show live when you can so you can ask Lisa, Vince and their guests questions. Use this tremendous resource that is available to you…it’s truly a blessing.

May God bless and bring you peace.

Manya

Check out the “Wet Cement” video and, also,  the “Good News” tab….

Values.com

However…the reason for THIS post is to let you know about a post on Lisa’s site that I want to share with you here because it’s appropriate.  The title of the post is How Anger Crosses the Line.

Before I give you the link so you can get over there to read it, I want to give my opinions about some of the things said in the article.

Basically, it’s about anger and how it can affect a person. I think I can safely state that every person who has experienced separation and divorce is angry about something (or lots of things).  And being angry is not a sin.  Go ahead and be angry, you probably have good reason to be.

But…control your anger and don’t dwell in that state. Feel it and then let it go.

I know I’m simplifying here…it’s not easy to “let it go” all in one fell swoop, but little by little, you’ll be able to do it. The most important point here is to not intentionally (stubbornly) hold onto anger, but to intentionally let it go.

Have you noticed that it’s easier to be angry than to be hurt?  When I was deep in the hell of separation & divorce, the days when I felt truly angry were much easier to bear than the days when I felt raw and HURT.  It’s easy to see the danger in this…a person could nurture the anger in order to keep from feeling the pain.  Please don’t fall into that trap.  A perpetually angry person is not a healthy person – emotionally, physically or spiritually.  And just think how being a perpetually angry mom will negatively affect your children.

Please read Lisa’s article on anger.  She touches on different types of anger, explains them and how they affect our relationships and ourselves.  One type of anger she talks about is “contempt.”  That one hit home for me and, curiously, she explains how this one is poison to a relationship.  I’m sorry to say that I have first hand knowledge of the truth of that…

By the way, anger is one big reason why I encourage all divorced Catholics to go through the annulment process.  My experience  was that as I was “made to” thoroughly examine my relationship, I realized the things that went wrong and that I had a great deal to do with what went wrong (not an easy pill to swallow – but eye opening and healing!).  You see, when I saw that I was also at fault, I was able to forgive my ex-husband (a little at a time…but the door to forgiveness was thrown open).  And that felt good!  And forgiving helped me to heal and move on.

I didn’t mean to write so much…forgive my long-windedness…. and, finally, here’s the link to Lisa’s article:

How Anger Crosses the Line

May God bless you and bring you peace.

Manya

Anyway…she had this very cool video posted on her site.  It recorded the passage of a year from the same spot.  I love those pictures you see now and then that are a series of 4 photos taken from the same spot – one photo/season.  This is the same thing only it’s a video.

You might wonder why I sometimes post things that have nothing to do with divorce and Catholics. Well…I take a holistic approach to life which doesn’t allow for compartmentalization…you know, that practice of putting different pieces of your life in separate compartments that are supposedly distinct from each other. That just doesn’t make sense to me. So, I throw in tidbits of “other things” now and then just for the pure joy of it. This world of ours is a beautiful and mysterious place (thank you, Lord, for the endless mysteries you’ve blessed us with. They’re the spice of life – in my opinion.)

Anyway…what it comes down to is…I want to share bits of beauty with you. When you’re experiencing separation and divorce, the world can look very bleak. I hope these “tidbits” help to remind you that the beautiful and amazing world, and it’s beautiful and amazing people, are still out there and waiting for you to rediscover them.

Enjoy!

May God bless you and bring you peace,
Manya

I highly recommend that you check out Coming Home Catholic.  It’s a great place to go for information and direction when it comes to teaching your children about our fantastic faith.  It’s also a great place to go to teach yourself more about our faith….

Here’s a link to today’s newsletter – Coming Home Catholic Newsletter

Be sure to sign up to receive the newsletter each week via email.  The family who writes it really knows the Catholic faith and how to make it easy to understand….and how to thoroughly understand it!  Follow some of their links and see where they take you.  It’s pretty awesome.

Have a lovely Friday…and may God bless you and bring you peace.

Manya

Here it is August – the month when probably most of the people in the world go on vacation.

I just wanted to remind you of an awesome website where you can find churches and mass times for most anywhere in the world.

Sooooo……there’s no need to miss mass while you’re on vacation.

There are legitimate reasons to miss mass, like when you’re sick or when there is no way you can get to a church on Saturday evening or Sunday morning or on a Holy Day of Obligation because…well, there’s more than one reason why someone might not be able to get to a mass. However, simply being on vacation is not a legitimate reason for missing mass.

Actually, being on vacation is a really good time to visit new churches and have new experiences. Also, when I was young, my mom told me that whenever you visit a church you’ve never been in before, you should say three Hail Mary’s and make a special request.

Going to mass while on vacation is also an excellent way to show your children how important it is to follow the precepts of the church at all times. (For more on that, see Keeping Catholicism in the Home After Divorce) And remember…not fulfilling your Sunday or Holy Day of Obligation obligations simply because it’s inconvenient to do so (i.e. you don’t really feel like it) is a grave sin (i.e. a mortal sin). It surprises me how many Catholics don’t know that….

Anyway – here’s that site for you. Mass Times.

Have a marvelous time on vacation and store up
lots of wonderful memories!

Manya

Just a quick note to let you know that I’ve set up a Ning.com site for divorced, Catholic moms to talk with each other.

What’s a ning site??   It’s really a pretty great thing.   As you can see at the bottom of the right column of this blog, I belong to two ning sites already – SQPN and Faith and Family Live.  By clicking on those boxes, you can join those sites, too.  But first….join US at Divorced Catholic Moms!  (I’m still learning about how to customize that box, which ning calls a “badge”….)

I suggest registering with a first name only, for privacy purposes.  I want everyone to feel completely comfortable sharing in discussions and being safe in doing so.

Once you register, I will need to approve the request before you’ll be able to access the site.  I’ll approve requests as soon as possible.

Then, have fun!  Each member gets their own page on the site to customize to their heart’s content.  You can even blog there and I’ve added a chat box, so that members can talk in real time!  AND, discussions can be started in the forum.  If you have a question…ask it!  If you have an answer to a question…or some insight…or an experience to relate…or can offer a word of support, jump into the discussion!

So, please, head on over and register…I’m looking forward to seeing and talking with you there.

Blessings,

Manya

Image by karin! via Flickr

The following message comes from the TOB newsletter that I received just a few minutes ago.  I highly recommend that you go to the Theology of the Body Institute to see the info there and to sign up to receive their monthly newsletters!

Redeeming Valentine’s Day
A Message From Christopher West

I once heard it said that more “legal prostitution” takes place on Valentine’s Day than any other day of the year.  It was a reference to the idea that, on this insecurity-inducing day, couples around the world basically exchange chocolates, romantic dinners, diamonds, and other gifts for sex.  Men and women, it seems, will go to great lengths to save themselves from the loneliness that creeps up when all the red hearts and romantic songs replace Christmas decorations and Christmas carols. It seems we all wonder at times, “Am I really loved, or do I have to buy his or her attention with something?”

This makes Valentine’s Day an annual event ripe for redemption, ripe for John Paul II’s Theology of the Body.

The fact that we set a day aside each year to celebrate romantic love points to the importance we all place on it, and rightly so.  The love of man and woman is what makes the world go around.  When the love of man and woman ceases, so does the human race itself.  And it’s precisely because it’s so important, so valuable, that it has become so terribly distorted by the enemy.  The devil is not creative. He cannot create his own parallel universe of raw evil. All he can do is take what God created to be true, good, and beautiful and twist it; distort it. This means that behind every temptation the father of lies uses to lead us away from God, we will find something that God created to lead us to him. And behind every distorted desire in our own hearts that lures us away from God, we can discover a God-given desire that will lead us to him.

So, Valentine’s Day can become, if we allow it, an opportunity to celebrate the love we all really long for, the love of Christ for the Church, of which man and woman’s love is a mere shadow.  We needn’t prostitute ourselves to know we are loved.  We needn’t spend lots of money.  We, ourselves, have been purchased at a high price.  Thank you, Lord Jesus.

Just a thought — this Valentine’s Day, share what you have learned of John Paul II’s Theology of the Body with someone who needs to hear it.

Blessings,
Christopher West

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Have a wonderful St. Valentine’s Day.  It really is NOT necessary to be a part of a couple in order to do so.  There are plenty of other kinds of love to experience – love of your children, your parents, your siblings, your friends. strangers who could use a smile, kind word or a hand and, last but not least, yourself!

May God bless and bring you peace!

Manya